(and so do some of the fellas)
JAMES AVERY (12/31/2013)
Actor. Age 68.
Now this is a story in the form of a song, how open heart surgery sometimes goes wrong...
MIKHAIL KALASHNIKOV (12/23/2013)
Russian General and Arms Desinger. Age 94.
He went out with a bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.
RONNIE BIGGS (12/18/2013)
Great Train Robber. Age 84.
Gonnie Biggs.
RAY PRICE (12/16/2013)
Singer. Age 87.
"Please release me, let me go." Done.
JOAN FONTAINE (12/15/2013)
Actress. Age 96.
And to think, she was Olivia de Havilland's YOUNGER sister. Sheesh.
PETER O'TOOLE (12/14/2013)
Actor. Age 81.
Clearly not HIS favorite year.
ELEANOR PARKER (12/9/2013)
Actor. Age 91.
Woman of 1000 faces, all of them pale and expressionless.
NELSON MANDELA (11/30/2013)
Anti-apartheid Revolutionary and Politician. Age 95.
He most definitely ain't gonna play Sun City.
PAUL WALKER (11/30/2013)
Actor. Age 40.
Boy did his career crash and burn.
SYLVIA BROWNE (11/20/2013)
Psychic. Age 77.
No, Sylvia blue.
LOU REED (10/27/2013)
Musician. Age 71.
Hey Lou, take a walk on the other side.
MARCIA WALLACE (10/25/2013)
Actress, Game Show Regular. Age 70.
And the password is....mortality.
MALCOM SCOTT CARPENTER (10/10/2013)
Astronaut. Age 88.
If I were a carpeneter and you were my lady....widow.
TOM CLANCY (10/1/2013)
Author. Age 66.
Tomb Clancy
ARIEL CASTRO (9/4/2013)
An Evil Man. Age 52.
What a shame...he didn't suffer a little more.
DAVID FROST (8/31/2013)
Journalist, Writer, TV Host. Age 74.
Cold.
JULIE HARRIS (8/24/2013)
Actress. Age 87.
Ghouly Harris.
EYDIE GORME (8/10/2013)
Singer. Age 84.
Blame it on the bossa nova.
KAREN BLACK (8/8/2013)
Actress. Age 74.
House of 1000 (and one) Corpses.
EILEEN BRENNAN (7/28/2013)
Actress. Age 80.
Mrs. Peacock...in Burbank...with the bladder cancer?
DENNIS FARINA (7/22/2013)
Actor. Age 69.
Of course he's a celebrity, you can't turn on cable without seeing Law and Order.
HELEN THOMAS (7/20/2013)
Reporter. Age 92.
Upon notice of her death, more than a few Israeli Jews provided a suggestion as to where Helen might go....
JAMES GANDOLFINI (6/19/2013)
Actor. Age 51.
Damn! Who'll help those poor little Hobbits destroy the ring now?
SLIM WHITMAN (6/19/2013)
Singer. Age 90.
...And getting slimmer.
ESTHER WILLIAMS (6/6/2013)
Actress. Age 91.
In this world it's sink or swim and Esther already did plenty of swimming.
FRANK LAUTENBERG (6/3/2013)
Seanator. Age 89.
Left or right, Republican or Democrat, there's one thing we can all agree on about Senator Frank Lautenberg...He's dead.
JEAN STAPLETON (5/31/2013)
Actress. Age 90.
You mean she didn't die in 1980 of a stroke, WTF?
RAY MANZAREK (5/20/2013)
Musician. Age 74.
The time to hesitate is through...
JOYCE BROTHERS (5/13/2013)
Dr. Joyce Brothers. Age 85.
Shrink.
RAY HARRYHAUSEN (5/7/2013)
Perhaps the greatest special effects person ever! Age 92.
Stopped motion.
DEANNA DURBIN (4/30/2013)
Actress. Age 91.
Three Smart Girls (all of whom are now dead).
GEORGE JONES (4/26/2013)
Musician. Age 81.
I Always Get Lucky With You (except this last time).
RICHIE HAVENS (4/22/2013)
Musician. Age 72.
Anagram: He's in archive.
ALLAN ARBUS (4/19/2013)
Actor. Age 95.
D*E*A*D
GEORGE BEVERLY SHEA (4/16/2013)
Gospel Singer. Age 104.
He never really bounced back after they demolished his stadium in '09.
PAT SUMMERALL (4/16/2013)
Football Player and Sportscaster. Age 82.
To sum 'er all up, Pat's dead (that or Madden ate him).
JONATHAN WINTERS (4/11/2013)
Comedian and Actor. Age 87.
It's a sad, sad, sad, sad world.
ANNETTE FUNICELLO (4/8/2013)
Mouseketeer, Actress. Age 70.
How to Stuff a Wild Bikini...into a coffin.
MARGARET THATCHER (4/8/2013)
Former British Prime Minister. Age 87.
"I am not immortal, but I've got a lot left in me yet." Half true certainly.
ROGER EBERT (4/4/2013)
Film Critic. Age 70.
We're told that when he was first informed of his cancer his jaw dropped.
HARRY REEMS (3/19/2013)
Porn Actor. Age 65.
Anagram: Ream Sherry (and plenty of others too).
HUGO CHAVEZ (3/5/2013)
President of Venezuela. Age 58.
The guy may have had a hit with Les Misérables but he sure built a crappy subcompact car. We never really understood that whole grape boycott thing of his either.
BONNIE FRANKLIN (3/1/2013)
Actress. Age 69.
No Bonnie, THIS is it.
VAN CLIBURN (2/27/2013)
Pianist. Age 78.
"The tour was going great until the Van died."
C. EVERETT KOOP (2/25/2013)
Former Surgeon General. Age 96.
See Everett pooped.
JERRY BUSS (2/18/2013)
Lakers Owner, Poker Player. Age 80.
"I'm all in..."
MINDY MCCREADY (2/17/2013)
Country Singer. Age 37.
Country is the new Grunge. Suck it, Kurt Cobain.
ED KOCH (2/1/2013)
Former NYC Mayor. Age 88.
How'm I Doin'? (Not so good).
PATTY ANDREWS (1/30/2013)
An Andrews Sister. Age 94.
Shoo-Shoo Baby!
STAN MUSIAL (1/19/2013)
Baseball Great. Age 92.
Stan The Man is in the can.
ABIGAIL VAN BUREN (PAULINE PHILLIPS) (1/16/2013)
Advice Columnist. Age 94.
"I'm afraid I simply won't be able to continue my career of giving crappy advice to total strangers, what should I do? - Morte in Minneapolis"
CONRAD BAIN (1/14/2013)
Actor. Age 89.
Now his world don't move, period.
PATTI PAGE (1/1/2013)
Singer. Age 85.
Crossed over the bridge.