H. NORMAN SCHWARZKOPF, JR. (12/27/2012)
General. Age 78.
Old soldiers don't die, they just... Hmmm, actually...
HARRY CAREY JR. (12/27/2012)
Actor. Age 91.
The John Ford Stock Company is down one for the day.
CHARLES DURNING (12/24/2012)
Actor. Age 89.
Somewhere Kermit the Frog just heaved a sigh of relief.
JACK KLUGMAN (12/24/2012)
Actor. Age 90.
If you happen to run into him in a pool hall, lose.
ROBERT BORK (12/19/2012)
Judicial Scholar, Supreme Court Nominee. Age 85.
The ultimate borking.
DANIEL INOUYE (12/17/2012)
Seantor. Age 88.
The Senator yields his remaining time.
RAVI SHANKAR (12/11/2012)
Musician. Age 92.
A fella named Ravi played sitar,
An instrument some might find bizzare.
With a lady he'd "known"
He spawned Norah Jones.
And now he's essentialy FUBAR.
OSCAR NIEMEYER (12/5/2012)
Architect. Age 104.
He'll be laid to rest in a reenforced concrete tomb with simple, yet elegant curves and lines.
DAVE BRUBECK (12/5/2012)
Musician. Age 91.
Take five...or ten...or more.
HECTOR "MACHO" CAMACHO (11/24/2012)
Boxer. Age 50.
There once was a man named Camacho
Who boxed by the nickname of "Macho."
He could bob, weave, and chase
'Til a slug hit his face.
And now he's as cold as gazpacho
LARRY HAGMAN (11/23/2012)
Actor. Age 81.
No one shot J.R. you numbskull, it was throat cancer.
RUSSELL MEANS (10/22/2012)
Politician, activist, actor. Age 72.
In 1973 he occupied Wounded Knee but it was a 2012 wounded esophagus that did him in.
GEORGE MCGOVERN (10/21/2012)
Politician. Age 90.
...And he heard a soft voice whisper, "Come Home, McGovern."
ARLEN SPECTER (10/14/2012)
Senator. Age 82.
Arlen spectre.
GARY COLLINS (10/13/2012)
Actor. Age 74.
Based on his driving record, it appears he spent a fair amount of time with Tom, John, Ron, and Tex Collins.
ALEX KARRAS (10/10/2012)
Football Player and Actor. Age 77.
Once you've done "Webster" there's really nothing left to live for.
HERBERT LOM (9/27/2012)
Actor. Age 95.
The Ultimate Revenge of the Pink Panther.
ANDY WILLIAMS (9/25/2012)
Singer. Age 84.
Can Get Used to Losing You.
ART MODELL (9/6/2012)
Football Team Owner, Businessman. Age 87.
Quoth the Ravens, "Nevermore."
MICHAEL CLARKE DUNCAN (9/3/2012)
Actor. Age 54.
Strange really, he looked nothing like his sister Sandy.
REVEREND SUN MYUNG MOON (9/2/2012)
Head Moonie. Age 92.
Blue Moon.
HAL DAVID (9/1/2012)
Lyricist. Age 91.
One less bell to answer. One less egg to fry.
NEIL ARMSTRONG (8/25/2012)
Astronaut. Age 82.
Arm strong. Coronary arteries, not so much.
PHYLLIS DILLER (8/20/2012)
Comedian. Age 95.
According to local municipal codes, Phyllis is not permitted to be buried. She has to be recycled.
RON PALILLO (8/14/2012)
Horshack. Age 63.
Oh, Oh, Oh, Mr. Kotter...
HELEN GURLEY BROWN (8/13/2012)
Author/Publisher. Age 90.
Helen Gurley, down!
JUDITH CRIST(8/7/2012)
Film Critic. Age 90.
Panned.
MARVIN HAMLISH (8/6/2012)
Composer/Conductor. Age 68.
Apparently SOMEBODY Does It Better.
GORE VIDAL (7/31/2012)
Author. Age 86.
Sex, Death, and Money (but especially death).
TONY MARTIN (7/27/2012)
Actor/Singer. Age 98.
There's No Tomorrow.
CHAD EVERETT (7/24/2012)
Actor. Age 76.
He has left the Medical Center.
SHERMAN HEMSLEY (7/24/2012)
Actor. Age 74.
Clouds and harps, maybe. Deluxe apartment, not likely.
SALLY RIDE (7/23/2012)
Astronaut. Age 61.
Death, the final frontier...
KITTY WELLS (7/16/2012)
Country Singer. Age 92.
Apparently she can stop loving you.
CELESTE HOLM (7/15/2012)
Actress. Age 95.
Everybody Does It!
ERNEST BORGNINE (7/8/2012)
Actor. Age 95.
"I don't know. What do you want to do tonight, Marty?"
ANDY GRIFFITH (7/3/2012)
Actor. Age 86.
Mayberry RIP.
YITZHAK SHAMIR (6/30/2012)
Former Israeli Prime Minister. Age 96.
Here's a little anagram...A hazy smirk hit.
NORA EPHRON (6/26/2012)
Author, Screenwriter, & Director. Age 71.
Sleepless in Seattle but out cold in New York.
LEROY NEIMAN (6/20/2012)
Artist. Age 91.
Although LeRoy was known as a vibrant expressionist, his recent expression is rather passive and unchanging.
RODNEY KING (6/17/2012)
Took quite a beating. Age 47.
This guy was a riot.
HENRY HILL (6/12/2012)
Goodfella. Age 69.
From Wiseguy to Demiseguy.
ANN RUTHERFORD (6/11/2012)
Actress. Age 94.
Gone with the wind.
FRANK CADY (6/8/2012)
Actor. Age 96.
Mr. Drucker's one dead @!#*&$ (fella).
RAY BRADBURY (6/5/2012)
Author. Age 91.
Sure there were Fahrenheit 451, The Martian Chronicles and The Illustrated Man but we'll always remember Ray for those tasty creme eggs.
RICHARD DAWSON (6/2/2012)
Actor. Age 79.
We knew all that kissing could land Rich a nasty case of oral herpes, but esophageal cancer too? Who'd have thought.
ABDELBASET ALI AL-MEGRAHI (5/20/2012)
Lockerbie Bomber. Age 60.
We can think of 259 reasons we're glad this bastard is dead.
ROBIN GIBB (5/20/2012)
A BeeGee. Age 62.
"Lonely days, lonely nights, where would I be without my colon."
CARROLL SHELBY (5/10/2012)
Race Car Driver, Car Designer. Age 89.
Engine trouble.
DONNA SUMMER (5/17/2012)
Disco Queen. Age 63.
"Enough is enough! I can't go on, I can't go on no more, no."
VIDAL SASSOON (5/9/2012)
A hairdresser. Age 84.
Split. End.
MAURICE SENDAK (5/6/2012)
Author/Illustrator. Age 83.
Where the Wild Thing's Are (no longer breathing).
GEORGE LINDSEY (5/8/2012)
Goober Beasley (Pyle). Age 83.
They were originaly going to call him Jughead but that name was already taken.
ADAM YAUCH (5/4/2012)
Beastie Boy M.C.A. Age 47.
Licensed, too Ill.
JUNIOR SEAU (5/2/2012)
Football Player. Age 43.
Norv Turner, who coached and played against Junior, described him as an explosive player. This differed from the coroner's report which described him as an exploded player.
LEVON HELM (4/19/2012)
Musician. Age 71.
If I spring a leak, she mends me (except this last time).
DICK CLARK (4/18/2012)
Bandstand Host, New Years Guy. Age 82.
He may have been the eternal teenager but he sure as hell wasn't the immortal teenager.
MIKE WALACE (4/7/2012)
Newsman. Age 93.
He was on his 59th minute.
EARL SCRUGGS (3/28/2012)
Banjo Great. Age 88.
Apparently he lost the duel this time.
JOHN DEMJANJUK (3/17/2012)
Nazi. Age 91.
Sometimes we feel badly about running this page. Not this time though.
DAVY JONES (2/29/2012)
A Monkee.
Holy crap! We don't think a celebrity has offered so many possibilities for tag lines in a long time:
I'm a Beriever
Daydream Beriever
Shades of Gray (and blue)
Absolutely the Last Train to Clarksville
Goin' Down
You may not be our Stepping Stone, our tombstone however...
Bye Bye Davy Bye Bye
Davy, Davy, where you going to?
GARY CARTER (2/16/2012)
Baseball Player. Age 57.
Here's a simple anagram: Carter Gray.
WHITNEY HOUSTON (2/11/2012)
Singer, Actress. Age 48.
Waiting to inhale also.
BEN GAZZARA (2/3/2012)
Actor. Age 81.
In 2000 he appeared in both Undertakers's Paradise and The List. Twelve years later......Well, you get it.
DON CORNELIUS (2/1/2012)
Creator, producer, and host of Soul Train. Age 75.
Derailed.
ROBERT HEGYES (1/26/2012)
Juan Epstein. Age 60.
Dear Mr. Kotter: Please excuse Juan's absence from school. He is dead.
Signed: Juan's family's mortician.
JOE PATERNO (1/22/2012)
Former Penn State Football Coach. Age 85.
At least this time Joe's silence will be understandable.
ETTA JAMES (1/20/2012)
Singer. Age 73.
Let's Roll!