(Well, at least one)
ARNOLD STANG (12/20/09)
Actor. Age 91. Unfortunately, the pneumonia stang worse.
JENNIFER JONES (12/17/09)
Actress. Age 90. A Farewell To Arms (and legs, and heads, and torsos..)
ROY DISNEY (12/16/09)
Executive at the Walt Disney Company. Age 79. When you wish upon a star.....you still croak.
ORAL ROBERTS (12/15/09)
Evangelist. Age 91. We've heard of an oral fixation but an oral cremation?
GENE BARRY (12/9/09)
Actor. Age 90. Gene.....bury.
CLAUDE LEVI-STRAUSS (10/30/09)
Anthropologist. Age 100. Although a Structuralist, his current structure is in rather poor shape.
LOU JACOBI (10/23/09)
Actor. Age 95. Everything you always wanted to know about death but were afraid to ask.
SOUPY SALES (10/22/09)
Comedian? Age 83. Waiter, there are flies in my Soupy.
LOU ALBANO (10/14/09)
Wrestler, manager, actor. Age 76. Wrestling, so what? Cyndi Lauper tie-in, who cares? But any dude who played MARIO in the Super Mario Bros. Super Show rocks in our book. Too bad his heartbeat is in another castle.
WILLIAM SAFIRE (9/27/09)
Author, columnist, journalist. Age 79. Sure he was a cunning linguist, but this time he got licked.
SUSAN ATKINS (9/24/09)
Mansonite, Murderer. Age 61. "Pork"
MARY TRAVERS (9/16/09)
Folk Singer. Age 72. Where have all the graveyards gone? Oh, here's one now.
PATRICK SWAYZE (9/14/09)
Actor. Age 57. To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! (Except the cancer).
ARMY ARCHERD (9/8/09)
Entertainment Columist. Age 87. So much for having a standing Army.
TED KENNEDY (8/25/09)
Yet another Kennedy. Age 77. Once you get past the cheating and expulsion from Harvard, the covering-up of William Kennedy's mistreatment of the ladies, and the killing of Mary Joe Kopechne, he was quite the loveable little drunk.
ROBERT NOVAK (8/18/09)
Columnist/Commentator. Age 78. He converted from moderate to conservative, from Judaism to Catholicism, and finally, from living to dead.
LES PAUL (8/13/09)
Guitar great. Age 94. Les Paul indeed.
EUNICE KENNEDY SHRIVER (8/11/09)
Founded Special Olympics. Age 88. When once asked, "What's better than winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics?" Her response was, "Not being retarded you f**kwad.".
JOHN HUGHES (8/6/09)
Director/Writer. Age 59. Pretty in black too.
CORAZON AQUINO (8/1/09)
Former Philippine President. Age 76. "People Power" is great, but radiation seed implantation can help also.
WALTER CRONKITE (7/17/09)
Newsman. Age 92. From the "Most Trusted Man" in America to the "Most Crusted Man in America."
ROBERT MCNAMARA (7/6/09)
Secretary of Defense. Age 93. Hmm, an architect of the Vietnam War and a fella who, as World Bank Chairman, spearheaded efforts related to health, food, and education projects in developing nations. Aptly, his middle name was Strange. Look it up.
KARL MALDEN (7/1/09)
Actor. Age 97. Great actor. Great family man. All around amazing actor. Okay, you can go back to the VH-1 tribute for the child molester now...We're doomed.
BILLY MAYS (6/28/09)
Huckster. Age 50. After numerous years of selling it, Billy bought it.
MICHAEL JACKSON (6/25/09)
Singer. Age 50. Because you're dead, you're dead, we know it. Nah. How about one that's right to the point instead......Beat it!
FARRAH FAWCETT (6/25/09)
Sex Symbol/Actress. Age 62. Well, that's one way to fix a leaking Fawcett.
ED MCMAHON (6/23/09)
Sidekick. Age 86. Here's hoping that heaven is filled with apples and asses....the shining and kissing are about to begin.
DAVID CARRADINE (6/3/09)
Actor. Age 72. Last seen hanging around a Bangkok Hotel.
DOM DELUISE (5/4/09)
Actor/Comedian. Age 75. The End.
JACK KEMP (5/2/09)
Politician. Age 73. Jack Kemp, room temp.
BEA ARTHUR (4/25/09)
Actress. Age 86. That old body posin', coffin closin', everything is decomposin'....Good-bye Maude.
MARILYN CHAMBERS (4/12/09)
Porn Star. Age 56. After all those years of making others stiff...
NATASHA RICHARDSON (3/18/09)
Actress. Age 45. Odd. According to Perry Como you're supposed to CATCH a Falling Star.
RON SILVER (3/15/09)
Actor and activist. Age 62. Hi-ho Silver....Away.
PAUL HARVEY (2/28/09)
Radio Personality. Age 90. Darn, now we'll never know the rest of the story.
WENDY RICHARD (2/26/09)
Actress. Age 65. Are you being preserved?
EDWARD UPWARD (2/13/09)
Author. Age 105. Edward Upward. Way upward.
JAMES WHITMORE (2/6/09)
Author. Age 87. We know he'll go into the land. And the land he'll go into is grand.
GUY HUNT (1/30/09)
Politician. Age 75. Bye Hunt
JOHN UPDIKE (1/27/09)
Author. Age 76. Rabbit is RIP.
ANDREW WYETH (1/16/09)
Artist. Age 91. An anagram related to this death....WHY WE RANTED.
RICARDO MONTALBAN (1/14/09)
Actor. Age 88. "I, on the other hand, am in a position to grant nothing."
PATRICK MCGOOHAN (1/13/09)
Actor. Age 80. Number Six (feet under).