THE O.B.E. MAIL BAG
This portion of the O.B.E is dedicated to those of you who
are among the living. During the course of the year, feel free to e-mail
the O.B.E. with thoughts, opinions, and general fun stuff.
This page reads from the top down. Wanna go directly to
the most recent postings? Just press this thingy
THE GUYS:
(To Stalker's Sister)
Ya know, you've consistently been a supportive fan of this death pool. When we feel like
tossing it in, it's folks like you who keep us going. Thank you so very much.
STALKER'S SISTER:
So I may not be the one you're looking for, but too late. I can't ignore mail from you guys.
No questions for the rest of us? Oh well, I've got some questions for you guys then.
Why is the sky blue? Why is a pyramid buit in the shape of a pyramid? Did the Jets win
today? What's 14 cubed?
BON RIDDANCE:
Are you guys running behind or did you change your address again? I know it must be a pain
to wrap up 2004 and set up 2005. No complaints here, just want to make sure I'm not missing
something.
THE GUYS:
125 entries. A bunch of players who can't follow directions. A bunch of follow-up for the
2004 pool. Real jobs. Real families. It'll be up soon. Patience is a virture.
Try to be virtuous fer heaven's sake.
DAVE H.:
i would be interested in knowing who are the cheap scapes
maybe you could post the names of the people who did or did not donate
you could just do something like a thank you to and list the names of the donorers
were all smart enough to figure out who's not on the list.
or you could put a thank you note to all for playing and put a special thanks to those who
donated and put a star next to the names who did send money
THE GUYS:
We did that last year and we'll do it this year too.
STALKER'S SISTER:
The death of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston's marriage... ;( At least they still "...
happily remain committed and caring friends with great love and admiration for one another."
STALKER'S SISTER:
Kind of sad that I have to comment on Jen and Brad before Rosemary Kennedy, huh?
THE GUYS:
But expected.
SOULFUL STRUT:
hey guys..was looking at my list and i really don't think i picked queen elizabeth II
smart me----didn't save a copy of my picks----but please double check...the rest look right,
from what i can remember...and if i did , well, i guess i did. thanks!
THE GUYS:
We haven't proofed the lists yet. We will. Don't worry.
SOULFUL STRUT:
no worries...thanks for checking!
JUST A GUY:
You overlooked writer Susan Sontag who died December 28th. Don’t you hate it when they
try and slip under the wire.
THE GUYS:
We didn't miss her. We just didn't post her.
BON RIDDANCE:
"So much for cultural relativism, eh little chums?"
Refreshingly honest.
JOHN M.:
Thanks for all you do....I have people in my office who keep excel spreadsheets
of the sick, the very sick, the stupid hobbies (paul newman) and The Pope. My colleagues
and I literally IM news flashes for sick and deceased folk........Instead of Tsunami
donations for dead people we don't know. I want to be generous to you guys ...and dead
people I do know.
DOCK:
1) Just how in the name of actuarial science can 125-presumably live-contestants unanimously
fail to include a suitably terminal Kennedy in the quest for life-challenged celebrities?
2) I am even as I type multi-tasking the establishment of a sinking fund of subordinated
debentures with which to seed my entry donation. Thus far, a subordinated search of the
floorboard of my truck and the cushions of the couch has sunk to the tune of $3.12.
Not wishing to venture with counterfeit debentures, my contribution will be necessarily
delayed until such time (hopefully soon) as a complete donation can be properly presented
in full.
3) Does ANY contribution in excess of five clams qualify as an upgraded benefactor status?
Such as, strictly to clarify the point, would $5.10 be acceptable?
4) Before making any snide remarks about the depraved nature of my thrifty personage,
please be aware that, to date, five dollars is substantially in excess of the total of my
voluntary bequeathal to the degree granting organization from which I matriculated some 20
years ago.
THE GUYS:
Hey, you talk funny.
SALES OF A DEATHMAN:
I think I owe it to myself to ask out loud what
happened? I was all set to win and then I check the
2004 stuff for the umpteenth time to see Vicious
Piranha ahead by a point (you miscalculated giving
him/her/them 28 points when he/she/they actually had
27) because of one Frank Morrison. I know who Frank
Brenner Morrison is and was prior to his death in
April of 2004, being governor of Nebraska and all
(seriously, I did know who he was) so I was a bit
surprised to see this Vicious Piranha character get a
sudden "misplaced" extra five points, and, surprise,
the win. I suppose I'm wondering how this came about
all of a sudden as I would have recognized Frank
Brenner Morrison as being on someones list, but since
he was simply listed as Frank Morrison (and I could
have sworn this individual was denoted in the fame
category in your entry statistics as something other
than "Politician.") Simply, I was convinced that this
androgenous "Frank Morrison" that was on that list was
one other Frank Morrison than the one that I was
familiar with, you know, because Frank Morrison isn't
exactly an unusual name and I was sure it applied to
some other notable figure by that name that Vicious
Piranha actually had on their list. This wouldn't bug
me if it hadn't come so unexpectedly after the new
year, as I am fully aware that you only recently added
him to your Recent Deaths section. What happened? Am I
crazy? Are you crazy? Am I wearing pants? Is this
because I didn't send any donations or anything? I'm
sorry! I'm a jerk! Either way I'll be in the corner
weeping while surrounded by stuffed animals with
pictures of people on my list that died last year
glued to their faces.
THE GUYS:
You're not crazy. We screwed up. It all floats around our request for people to tell us who
the heck some of the people they list are and a good number of people who don't. Here's the
Cliff's notes explanation:
Step 1: Back in January 2004, we entered the name Frank Morrison into our database as an
artist (Urban artist to be exact). We did this because, at the time, we didn't realize
who Piranha meant and Frank Morrison, Urban Artist was the first name that came up on our
Internet search. It was later brought to our attention that we were incorrect in our
assigning of the title "Artist" to Mr. Morrison's name as it was the "Governor" Morrison that
was intended. This fact was easily confirmed by checking other Dead Pools Piranha plays in,
which we did, and verifying that he listed Frank the Governor there too. Mistake 1.
Step 2: We never changed the "Why famous" under Mr. Morrison's name on our stats page from
"Artist" to "Politician.". Mistake 2.
Step 3: We totally missed the death of the Governor Frank Morrison in April 2004
(mostly because he is really not a celebrity but our crappy rules allow these types of picks
regardless). Mistake 3.
Step 4: One of our players (not Piranha might we add), brought the deaths of Mr. Morrison
and Ms. Frances Dee to our attention while they were reviewing the 2004 lists at the end of
this past year. We made the correction and were more than a little embarrassed to see that
1) we had never changed the stats page and 2) that it changed the outcome of the game.
Step 5: We read your email and are feeling even worse.
If it's any consolation, we tried to reach Piranha to let him know we missed a pretty
important death on his list, and have been unable to do so to-date. In addition, he has not
entered the Death Watch this year. Maybe he'll fail to return the required paperwork to
collect the prize. Who knows. But we really are sorry for not catching this sooner.
We're gonna have to get tougher about the "Why famous" requirement in the future.
We had plenty of entries this year that we had to scour the Internet for information on.
That's one reason it takes so darn long to get this thing up and running.
Of course, when you simply look at the deaths and the points, Piranha won fair and square.
It's was our errors and a failure to correct an error made early on in the game that caused
this mix up.
Sorry to tease you all season like that Sales, you had an awesome year. For the record,
we give no preference to those who donate or don't donate. That wouldn't be fair.
We genuinely hope you're not too pissed off. Maybe you can have repeat this year
(minus our screw ups that is).
THE GUYS:
Thanks for the clarification. My hard feelings have
already past and I'm looking forward to something
hopefully as interesting this coming year. Being in
this situation I believe I can recommend that you have
no reservations about requiring more from your
participants with the "identity" or "celebrity"
situations that have popped up. Here's to a good year.
Thanks for the work you've done for us.
STALKER'S SISTER:
Found a boo boo!! He's over there with Yogi and Ranger Smith. What's my prize?
On the statistics page, Mother Angelica is listed twice. There's only *ONE* Mother Angelica.
Although with all the assorted pieces that she's missing, they may be able to create another
one.....
KAREN S.:
For some reason, when I check the team entries, I'm seeing only the 2004 entries.
I know that a few days ago I was able to see the complete entries for 2005, and
coincidentally saw that 3 teams had listed Ruth Warrick. Then she died. Strange huh?
I was just trying to check to see who else I've got teetering on the edge, but cannot
find this year's list. Did your server get restored, or am I just doing something wrong?
THE GUYS:
Looks like our "friends" at Verizon are at it again. They've somehow screwed up a server
and refreshed it with an old back-up. Thank goodness they're not in the surgery business.
We'll fix it.
RETURN OF EL MUERTO GIGANTE:
Gentlemens (and I say that because there are more than one of you):
Once again, many thanks for providing morbid entertainment to numerous otherwise dull and
boring lives. Now that the gratuitous compliment is out of the way, we get to the meat and
potatoes of my letter. You guys made a mistake. There, I said it. I figured the compliment
would ease the sting somewhat, so by now you should be sitting in stunned silence, staring
cautiously at your monitor. Good, now that I have your attention, here is the mistake.
Several of my fellow 2005 O.B.E. participants selected the lovable-but-socially-way-behind-the-
times "Dear Abby" for this year's Deathwatch. You have identified the newspaper advice
columnist as Abigail Van Buren (at this point I will point out the misspelling of her first
name on your celebrity roster - Abigail has two "i"'s, just like the old biddie's caricature
that adorned her column for many years). However, Abigail Van Buren was not her real name-
only her newspaper moniker. Her real name is Pauline Phillips. Do you see where this is
going? Of course you do. One of my picks is Pauline Phillips, who I listed (and you
correctly posted) as a newspaper advice columnist (I can see the "Ah Ha!!!" creeping into
your face as you read this part). As much as I'd like to receive the Tad Szulcs points for
being the only one to pick her, if she buys the farm I will either (a) get left behind when
the other five schmucks who picked Dear Abby get their due credit if the AP fails to mention
her real name, or (b) be doing the Snoopy Happy Dance in my room because I cheesed the Tad
Szulcs bonus for having the only Pauline Phillips on the list. Either way, you're going to
have to read more email like this, so at the risk of losing the Tad Szulcs bonus and
preserving your sanity, I recommend you change my Pauline Phillips entry to Abigail Van
Buren (or more correctly change the other four, but that would be more work and no one
really knows who the hell Pauline Phillips is anyway) and restore peace and harmony to
the 2005 OBE Deathwatch.
P.S. I'm drinking a Snapple while proof-reading this.
THE GUYS:
Look here El Muerto, it just so happens we DID make a mistake. In fact we apparently made
two mistakes . First there was the idea that drinking a fifth of bourbon AFTER the 12 pack
of Meister Brau would be okay. Heck, like we've never heard "beer before liquor never
sicker." Oh well. Then, there was that stroke of brilliance when we figured the cop wouldn't
be pissed when we cold cocked him and screamed "No Backsies." That'll teach us. We suppose
you would even consider us puking on the big dude in the jail cell a mistake too, but we
couldn't help that. Man did he kick the crap outta us. And trust us, that took quite a bit
of kicking!
As for the whole Dear Abby..........Oh wait, sorry, Dear Abi-friggin'-GaIl........ thing.
Yeah, we blew that too apparently, It's fixed now. Now, put down your Snapple, proceed to
the bathroom, open the bathroom window, stick your head in the can, and flush. Just as you
release the handle, scream at the top of your lungs, "Next time I'll really do it, I swear to
God!." If anyone hears you and runs into the bathroom, make sure to get a good look at their
face. It's worth it.
CHEFDEVERGUE:
World-renowned architect Philip Johnson has drafted
his last design and gone & died at age 98. I probably
would have put him on my list this year if not for the
fact that I thought he was already dead.
Having pioneered the "glass box" concept in
architecture, Phil has me really wondering what his
own personal box will be looking like.
ECD:
I was looking through your list of 1998 dead folk on your website. You have some information
about the McDonald brothers that is wrong. You said, Richard McDonald and his brother started
a fast food joint in the Chicago area. If you dig deeper into this, you'll find out that
their fast food joint was actually started in San Bernardino, California in the 1940s.
The McDonald's Corporation likes everyone to think that Ray Kroc himself started McDonald's
in the Chicago area in the 1950s. The surviving McDonald brother, (if he's still alive)
said he has had to continually set the record straight over the McDonald's Corp. propaganda.
THE GUYS:
We will look into this. Thanks for the info.
DAMON:
Did the site move?? Went to take a look today and it's gone.
THE GUYS:
Trouble with our server. We've go the site back up, although elswhere for now. Same
address www.flymetothetomb.com.
BABY CRUSHERS:
Baby Crushers here. Nothing worthwhile to say or ask. Just wanted to see my
email in the EMAIL THE GUYS page.
THE GUYS:
How desperate.
CHEFDEVERGUE:
That thudding you hear is my head pounding against my
desk as I read the following news item:
HERE
At least I think so; the thudding may also be all
those cheap beers kicking in.
THE GUYS:
Mmmmm beer.
A GUY (Steve):
On February 22, 2005 my mom died after a nine year battle with a very aggressive case of
Parkinson's disease. According to O.B.E. rules she was no celebrity but she was certainly
one to me. As an awful disease ravaged her nervous system she consistently displayed bravery,
perseverance, and more concern about others than about herself. This was often frustrating
and sometimes maddening but, in the end, it was also noble and showed a faith that I think
few people possess.
Many times over the O.B.E.'s existence, we have received emails saying things like,
"bet you wouldn't do this if someone you knew died." or "What you do is sick and
disrespectful." To that, we have always answered that we believe in the inevitability
of death and the dire need for laughter in life. Even laughter at the so-called laughless
topics. No, especially then. To that end, I'll bury my mom, enjoy seeing my family, and
toast her memory. I'll also miss her.
Being that my mom was the last of the Guy's parents, we're now parentless.
That makes us orphans. If any of you is looking to adopt, keep in mind that we can already
use the bathroom, speak, and support ourselves financially (though we're not averse to
parental handouts). However, we do expect lots of junk food and a steady flow of beer.
Let us know.
CHRIS:
What a wonderful, touching tribute to your Mom. I'm sorry for your loss. I always
enjoy the e-mails from the OBE, but this one was something very special.
THERESA:
Please accept my sympathies on the loss of your mother. My mom died 17
months ago, her mother died 1 month ago and my infant son was stillborn the
same date as your mom's death, February 22, 2005. Those of us who have
played the OBE (like me), and those of us who missed the gol-durn New Year's
cutoff and lurk (me this year), appreciate that life is both finite and
precious. We can see both that life and death are precious, and though we
mourn our losses we can appreciate a laugh and we smile through our tears.
It is proof tht your mother lived well and lived large that you can be one
of those people. Cheers to your mum.
KAREN:
I was very sorry to read about your mother's passing. My brothers, sisters and I lost our
own dear mother 2 1/2 years ago, so I can imagine what you and your family are going through
right now. Our father was disabled from a massive stroke for 20 years, and so we too had
a "long goodbye", he passed away 15 years ago. You are right about the dire need for
laughter in life, that was what got my father through his last 20 years. When our
mother passed away, my siblings and I agreed at that moment that Mom would want to see
us laughing, even through our tears. I know your mother would want the same for you.
I can guess that your mother was a really wonderful woman to have raised her son to be
who you are today. Your OBE postings show a sense of humanity along with the humor,
and your tribute email about your mother was touching. No matter how old you are,
becoming an orphan is tough. Your mother was the person who gave you life, and she
will always have a special place in your heart. Please know that now she'll always be
watching out for her boy, her son, and remembering that will help you when you need it.
My sympathy goes out to you and your family, and the other guy.
And yes, being childless myself, I have thought about adopting at times in my life,
but I never wanted the agrevation that comes when the tots become teenagers. If you
can promise me I won't have sleepless nights while you're both out carousing, and
assuming there are no college tuition expenses involved, I'd be glad to electronically
adopt you, I'll be your e-aunt, who never comes to visit and never invites you to visit.
But I'll gladly dispense advise whenever asked (or not) and you don't have to send holiday
presents!
Take care, and keep up the good work. Remember, throughout the history of mankind,
no one has yet been able to ultimately avoid death. That's what your site is all about.
ROB:
You don't know me and we'll probably never meet. None-the-less,
my condolences on the loss of your mother.
PAUL:
Sorry to hear about your Mom. I am not sure if I ever met her but no doubt she was strong
woman having persevered through the last nine years. My condolences to you are your
family.
TRANNSFIXUS SED NON MORTIMUS:
As a rank amatuer I doff my hat to a pro like Everlasting Lifelessness.
Three hits, two of which are 4 baggers, and the third a triple!
does this league have a steroid testing policy?
the best was Dr Gene Scott. I recognized that face from my
miss spent youth in the California. Come to think of it wasn't Conseco and
his buddies from California?
THE GUYS:
We happen to know that Everlasting does indeed have a problem with 'roids. Nothing a little
salve in the 'ol pooter won't fix though.
FREE SPIRITS:
I was sorry to read about your mom passing. From your e-mail she sounded like a woman I
would have like to known. I admire her for keeping strong until the time came to rest.
My best wishes to you and your family in the days ahead because the great memories she
left will always be there.
As for the adoption part for The Guys, if your ever in my neck of the woods in Texas
let me know and I consider the adoption.
CALICOP5:
Thanks for entering me in this fun little game.....Just letting you know that you entered
Nelson Mandela twice for me and omitted Paul Harvey.
THE GUYS:
Apparently we relish in screwing up your list. We'll fix that.
GREG:
First off I would like to see that I am not complaining, but I do have an inquiry:
Terry Schiavo's removal of the tube was ordered to be March 18, she will then starve to
death.
According to rule 8.0
No person who is killed by a scheduled execution: foreign, federal, or state, will count
as a celebrity (this does not include assassination, overthrow, or coup d'etat). The idea
here is no death row, political prisoners condemned to death, or the like.
Terry would not have died any time soon if it wasn't for the COURT to condemn her to die.
I noticed 3 watchers had her and was curious if it should be counted as a death.
THE GUYS:
This may be the most interesting email we have ever received. Your question, though posed
regarding our rules, is really a deep philosophical one. At it's heart, your question is,
"what defines killing, murder, and natural death." Although the legal issue in the Schiavo
case is one of who decides the fate of a person who can't decide their own fate, it's the
philosophical question which is really more interesting: "Was Terry "helped" by being
placed on the feeding tube and if so, how and why?" and, "Is taking Terry off the feeding
tube killing and/ or murder and, if so, why?"
On the one hand, the position can be taken that putting Terry on a feeding tube is an
extraordinary means of keeping her alive which, in essence, circumvented the natural
state of affairs. That would mean that removing the feeding tube is doing nothing more
than letting nature take it's course. In this case one could say, if we never put Terry
on the feeding tube you wouldn't say we killed her so why would you say we did if we take
her off the tube?
The other position, of course, is that once Terry was placed on the feeding tube it's removal
and her likely death is akin to killing or, depending on you moral beliefs, murder.
In this case one would say that once the tube was placed on/in Terry that her means of
existence was permanently altered and a new "state of living" instituted. The alteration
of that state of living, with full knowledge of the outcome of changing it back, then
becomes a moral contract.
Now, we don't purport to have the answers to the correct side in this deep philosophical
quandary, but we think we can interpret the situation with regard to the O.B.E. rules.
First let's pop a beer.... Now, here goes:
Ms. Schiavo, though VERY likely to die when the feeding tube is removed is not GUARANTEED to
die. There have been those rare cases of comatose persons waking after 5, 10 or even more
years for example. Do we think this will happen to Terry? No. Do we think it is an
extremely rare thing that CAN happen. Yes. So Terry's removal from the feeding tube and
her likely death does not make her a "person who is killed by a scheduled execution:
foreign, federal, or state" because, by definition, execution means "a putting to death,
especially by legal penalty". That definition presumes that the death is an absolute.
In other words, if they tried to EXECUTE Terry and failed, they'd try again until she was
dead whereas, if they take Terry off the feeding tube and she "wakes up," they're not going to
put a bullet in her head. See the problem with the way you worded your email is that the
court ordered the tube removed, they did not order her executed. Although the net result
may be the same, the two orders are drastically different. One means "take out the tube
and see what happens." The other means "make certain she dies."
We hope you can see this distinction. We also appreciate the thought provoking question.
Now, can we please have another beer and a refill on the peanuts. Burp.
SURFER JOE:
Hey Guys...what is this bullshit? The guy who's in first place is full of sh*t. Anybody can
make up a list of the oldest f*ckers on the planet. That don't make 'em celebrities!
F*ck that p*ssy. What a spineless little sh*t. I don't have an entry..or know anyone who
does, I just think it's horsesh*t. Boot that guy.
THE GUYS:
That's quite a vocabulary you've got there. Time to Go has submitted a list and acquired 4
deaths in full compliance with the rules. Plus, to the best of our knowledge, he never once
used the words "f*ck," "sh*t," or "p*ssy" in emails to us.
SURFER JOE:
I appreciate the compliments on my vocabulary. I have a Master's Degree in English and
Language...so I take pride in using all available adjectives and recognized colloquialisms.
Those of us with a complete grasp of the language are the first ones entitled to take
liberties with it...in order to expand the language as we know it, of course. Don't get me
wrong, I love your site, and am, admittedly, a little bitter, 'cause I missed the deadline..
Oh well. My bitch...er...um...my complaint is that the website is about dead CELEBRITIES.
Getting reeeeeaaaaaallly old doesn't make you a celebrity. I also understand that wuss-boy
Time-to-Go is in "full compliance" with the rules...but that just tells us we need to
tweak the rules a bit. That guy is making you all look bad, how can you take that?!
I'd cut that f*cker off right now! Oh well...there'll be more dead celebs next year...
hopefully with adjustments to the rules structure to keep things more where they were
intended.
THE GUYS:
We've battled this one quite a bit. To REALLY define a celebrity is a difficult thing.
To just say, "it's our call" renders the whole contest moot. So, we have to pick some
objective criteria. If you think you know one, we're all ears. Good luck.
CESAR:
Greetings from Monterrey, Mexico.
Thanks for your site, I was looking for some info about boxer Jerry Quarry, thanks.
THE GUYS:
You are welcome. Thanks for visiting.
FREE SPIRITS:
What???? Chris Ledoux does not warrent an ode from "The Guys"
THE GUYS:
In a word, No.
MIKE H.:
RE: JOHN DELOREAN.....Can Marty McFly get 1.2 gigawatts of electicity into the flux capacitor
to save him?
WALT:
Just wanted to suggest a trivia link for the "Big Page O' Fun Links" section of your website:
HERE
Thanks for all the cool links!
THE GUYS:
Thank you. It will get up on the woefully needing an update links page soon.
SMART GUY:
Paul Hester, drummer for Crowded House hanged himself in a park near his home...
He would sometimes play drums for The Wiggles during their live shows.
A GUY (Steve):
Now look, I happen to be a pretty big Split Enz fan. I also thought the Crowded House
albums Temple of Low Men and Woodface held their own. As a matter of fact,
Woodface did better than hold its own. Regardless, Paul Hester, by any definition,
is not a celebrity. Neil Finn yes. Tim Finn maybe. Paul Hester, nope.
STU:
I guess the new reality TV Series “Terri and the Pope” will need to be re-cast.
Whose careers are dead enough that they could fill in? Joyce DeWitt & Mickey Rooney?
THE GUYS:
What can we say, this was brilliant. You nailed it.
SOULFUL STRUT:
oh dear...frank perdue gone....a piece of my childhood tv memories gone with him...
THE GUYS:
Which piece, the leg, the wing, the thigh, or the breast?
STALKER'S SISTER:
RE: THE OBE POPE OBIT....So at least when I go to Hell for having the Pope on my list I'll
have you guys for company.
THE GUYS:
Please, we reserved our seats years ago.
TIME TO GO:
I scored a "Tad Szulc" with URA KOYAMA
Despite missing John Paul II (I had him on my 2004 list!) and refusing to put Terri Schiavo
on my 2005 list (matter of principle--no scheduled executions), this should extend my lead
to 6 deaths, 20 points.
Of course I've finished 2nd twice (2002, 2003)...I wonder if I'll be caught down the
stretch again this year...
TIME TO GO (note the double entendre--It's a sign-off, but it's also time for me to go
away from the computer!).
THE GUYS:
We'll be posting an interesting email on Schiavo and why we believe it's not a scheduled
execution (at least as per our rules). Look for it. (see above)
JUST A GUY:
Did GOD pull the plug on JESUS when he was hanging from a cross? No!
Because there was no plug to pull! He let him die naturally without
ANY life support! So you right-to-die people are wrong. Crucifixion
is the ONLY way GOD intended anyone to die through means other than
natural causes. The bible says so and is never wrong because it is
fact, which nonbelievers will never truly understand.
I can see your obit on the OBE list now...
THE GUYS (only/god/knows) - The chief organizers of the Old Blue Eyes
Memorial Celebrity Death Watch, (in)famous for hosting an annual "pick
the soon-to-be-famously-dead" contest. In hosting their contest of ill
repute they garnered some amount of notoriety and fame in their own
right, and were quite surprised to find themselves on many player's
lists over the past several years. They were perhaps most famously
known for altering obituaries and interspersing them with irony, humor,
and political commentary. Perhaps most controversially, they dared to
cast light on the hypocrisy of the participants in the Terri Schiavo
incident, where the religious right clashed with the right-to-die movie
in grand fashion in the Republican controlled legislature. In
reference to the fact that The Guys died in a freak accident involving
semi-trucks crashing into their homes that were respectively hauling
gasoline and cigarette-lighter-flints, one member of the religious
right was heard to remark "I guess we were right. I'm glad I had them
on my list this year, though we should remember that God's List would
win every year."
THE GUYS:
Alright Jonathon Swift, how about you send the email to the correct address next time.
It's THE_GUYS@verizon.net. Don't send email to the coollist bot. It can't read.
STU:
"Clang Clang Maxwell's Silver Hammer came down upon his head,(do do do do) Clang Clang Maxwell's Silver Hammer made sure
that he was dead" Now I know where McCartney got the song from.
THE GUYS:
We are uncertain that the song is related to the act of smacking a hammer on the Pope's
head. We don't recall seeing anything about a Maxwell Edison in Papal history nor do
we recall any camerlengo being called before a judge who does not agree and tells him
so, oh oh oh. That having been said, both Joan and the Pope did have an interest in
metaphysics. However, the Pope's was not really "metaphysical science." In addition, his
interest did not involve test tubes. Finally, use the correct email address next time ya yutz.
TIME TO GO:
Wow! For the third year of the last four, I have the early lead. 5 have bitten the farm.
Only two other lists have even 3 deaths. This despite the fact that I accidentally left off
Philip Johnson (I had two or three list versions going). And the "world's oldest's" haven't
even kicked yet, which means I can expect to pad the numbers later.
Of course I didn't put the Pope or Terri Schiavo on the lists, but I thought that putting
Terri Schiavo on the list violates the "no execution" rule, right?
But the last two times, I held the lead for half a year or more, only to be caught down the
stretch (so quit whining, Death of a Salesman!). Of course I finished second, twice, before
there was a second-place prize, so I just missed it double!
In any case, can you add to George Kennan's entry that he was 101.
THE GUYS:
Yes on Kenan. As for the Terri Schiavo question, we're not going to go through that again.
See the mailbag.
P.S. Sorry for the long wait for a reply. We had the runs.
MARVIN:
(On Saul Bellow) Now I'm Bellow the weather...I only carried this guy on my list since
you began the webpage.
THE GUYS:
You? How about Saul?
TIME TO GO:
Terri Schiavo death: "A Sceduled Execution or the Like"
Before I make my point, I'm going to say that for me this is more a matter of principle than
whether you take points away from other contestants.
You said:
Ms. Schiavo, though VERY likely to die when the feeding tube is removed is not GUARANTEED to
die. There have been those rare cases of comatose persons waking after 5, 10 or even more
years for example.
In other words, if they tried to EXECUTE Terry and failed, they'd try again until she was
dead.
Actually, it is a miscontruction to think that the judge's order was a mere removal of the
feeding tube. Let's not forget that 53 people were arrested for trying to give Terri food
or water via her mouth. Also, it's a misconception to think that Terri was on "life support." Or that she was comatose. Or that she was terminally ill.
The FACTS of the matter:
1. People in persistent vegetative states are NOT in a coma; hence they cannot "wake" from a
coma since they are not in one. PVS means the persons' cerebral cortex has died, and hence
there is 0% chance of a person "waking" from a PVS after the first year (and those in the
first year, are really misdiagnosed patients).
2. While the cerebrum is dead, people in PVS state still have a functioning brainstem.
This means that they can breathe on their own. It also means they can laugh, cry, or move,
based on reflex action, even in response to stimulation...after all, if the doctor hits your
knee with a hammer, what is that? REFLEX, and it's a RESPONSE TO STIMULI.
3. The record for PVS survival, as of 1990, was 37 years (1941-1978). Hence PVS cannot be
defined as a terminal illness. In fact, patients with PVS don't usually die from PVS;
they die from bedsore infection or pneumonia, which is really a quality-of-care issue.
4. Terri Schiavo initially was fed by mouth, but the doctors decided that was too dangerous
(danger of choking) and so gave Terri a feeding tube. However, it was theoretically possible
for Terri Schiavo to survive following removal of the tube, had she been fed orally. Judge
Greer, in his order, expressly forbade any attempt to keep Terri alive as not in accord with
"Terri's wish to die" (i.e. Judge Greer's wish that Terri die, made to appear to be the wish
of a woman who cannot speak and left no written directive). Police guards, as I said,
arrested 53 people attempting to feed Terri.
Hence, this was a scheduled execution. Even when the family argued that Terri was in a
"minimally conscious" state, the Judge ruled that that was irrelevant, since what was
relevant for him was that "Terri wished to die" and she didn't want to live like that,
whether she be in a persistent vegetative state or no.
OK, at this point someone may argue that, "Yeah, but what if one of the judges had issued a
stay..." That's right. Not all convicts scheduled to die are executed. Some are granted
stays at the last minute, like the man in Colorado whose death sentence was dropped because
a juror read the Bible during deliberations.
But the O.B.E. rule recognized that, even with the small chance of an execution to be called
off, it's not a fair "guess" since we KNOW that the person is already scheduled to die.
The same goes with Terri Schiavo. We all know that she was scheduled to die. And for those
who say that "but it's not technically an execution..." Well, the rules said "and the like."
So it only needs to be "like" and execution. That the judge forbade any attempt to nourish
Terri orally meant that, like an execution, the state was going to try until it suceeded.
Considering the feeding tubes reinserted in 2001 and 2003, I'd say that describes this
situation exactly.
THE GUYS:
Wow. Some well thought out points. We accept your argument that there was no possibility of
Ms. Schiavo "waking." It was a poor example we gave. However, from a rules standpoint, we
still don't believe this is a "scheduled death." Let's look at the rules. They say:
"Third, certain riff raff, though their deaths will likely be reported in the AP, are excluded
from celebrity status. No person who is killed by a scheduled execution: foreign, federal, or
state, will count as a celebrity (this does not include assassination, overthrow, or coup
d'etat). The idea here is no death row, political prisoners condemned to death, or the like."
We'd argue that Ms. Schiavo does not meet the intent of this definition. 1) We don't think
she was "riff raff" nor do we believe that you do. 2) Regarding her being "scheduled to
die," that was clearly not evident on January 1, 2005 nor was there any schedlued date of
death. Had the repeated orders to remove her tube been given in December, we might feel
differently. It wasn't and we don't. Clearly it was uncertain at the start of the 2005
Death Watch what the outcome of the situation would be. 3) We stand by the statment that
Terry's death was not an "execution." Execution is the putting to death typically in
response to a legal or political sentence. Ms. Schiavo's feeding tube was removed due to a
legal ruling. She was not senteced to anything. The courts decided whether her husband
had the right to make the call or not and decided he did. They did not sentence her.
So, we feel that her death clearly meets our rules.
Now there is the moral and ethical issue. That one, of course, is far messier. I can't
speak for the other Guy at the O.B.E., but I for one think that Mr. Schiavo was a skunk.
I further think, regardless of what Terry's real wishes were, he was an opportunist who
wanted to get rid of a long, painful burden. His behavior post-mortem really showed what a
turd the guy could be. I also however recognize the chaos a decision against him would have
thrown legal precident into. It would have been a real blow to spousal rights, one we as a
society would long regret through endless litigation by parents and siblings of spouses in
a variety of cases. I think what was done to Terry Schiavo was unethical. I think it was
likely immoral (likely because I don't know what she told her husband or what was in his
heart, I can only suspect). I also understand why it was necessary and correct (from a
legal standpoint). I really don't blame the judges one bit. If there is fault. "If" for
perhaps the outcome was truly what Terry wanted. But if their is fault, it falls squarely
on her husband. Powers greater than you, I and the courts will deal with that issue in
their time.
I'd imagine you'd argue that this wasn't a spousal rights issue because spouses don't have
the right to "murder." I'd then ask what you would feel if Terry had written an advanced
directive indicating a feeding tube be removed after a year in such a circumstance. Would
you say she commited suicide? Would you accuse the Dr. removing the tube of murder?
I simply would not go that far. If we presume Mr. Schiavo told the truth (a pretty big
presumption in my book), then nothing wrong, immoral, or unethical was done. If he didn't,
we can't say that. But I can still safely say the courts made the right decision based on
the facts we had.
As for stopping people from coming into Terry's care facility and feed her, that was
appropriate. For goodness sakes, if the courts are finding that the husband's rights trump
the parent why would they not find that his rights trump total strangers.
Your email was thought provoking and I appreciate it.
TIME TO GO:
Re: Surfer Joe Rant
SURFER JOE:
Hey Guys...what is this bullshit? The guy who's in first place is full of sh*t. Anybody can
make up a list of the oldest f*ckers on the planet. That don't make 'em celebrities! F*ck
that p*ssy. What a spineless little sh*t. I don't have an entry..or know anyone who does,
I just think it's horsesh*t. Boot that guy.
To the IGNORAMUS too stupid to get his entry in on time: what's your problem?
Not getting enough of Nick N' Jessica at US Weekly? Are you so sorry that you have to
live your life by idolizing "celebrities," whether they be important figures or just your
next Britney Spears or Justin Timberlake?
Apparently it never dawned on you:
1. Even without these "oldest" cases, I'd still be in first. Yes, that's right. Of my 6
deaths so far, only 2 were known only for "extreme old age." Yeah, with 4 kills and 12
points, I'd be tied for second--except that, you're forgetting that if I dropped the
"oldest" cases, I'd have picked other persons instead. And I've already made clear that
my 14th pick (in fact I thought I had him, dropped him for Rehnquist at the last minute)
was Phillip Johnson, 98, one of the greatest architects of all time, who basically came
up with the International Style, and then rebuffed himself with a reactionary Postmodern
style too. Add in him instead of, say, Ura Koyama, and BINGO! That's 5 deaths, 15 points.
I'd still have the lead anyway. Drop all 4 of the "oldest" cases I listed, and I'd probably
have the pope in there, too. Maybe Kirk Douglas.
I might also point out that neither the Guinness "world's oldest woman" or "world's oldest
man" has yet died this year. That's right, if they both kick off, I'll be up to 8 deaths.
But it hasn't happened yet.
As for the 4 other deaths I have so far:
Max Schmeling--Nazi boxer and Hitler's "Great White Hope,", spent rest of his life trying to
de-tach these associations from his name.
George Kennan--historian invented the "containment" policy of the Cold War.
Hans Bethe--Nobel laureate. I got this one from the Britannica.
Ernst Mayr--ornithologist. I saw his book at the local college.
All four, while quite old (ages 99, 101, 98, and 98), all were known well before old age.
And then there's the misses: anyone get Dale Messick, 98, died this week, cartoonist who
invented Brenda Starr? Hey, there's only room for 13 picks.
And do I see you criticizing those who picked Frederica Segor Maas or Ted "Double Duty"
Radcliffe? What are they known for? Turning 100?
But I'm sure all this is too much for your tiny brain to comprehend. So, my advice to
you is to go back to the supermarket tabloid you crawled out from under.
TIME TO GO:
Responses to "Just a GUY"
JUST A GUY:
Did GOD pull the plug on JESUS when he was hanging from a cross?
Eloi, Eloi, Lama Sabatchthani--My God, My God, why hast thou forsaken me?
No! Because there was no plug to pull!
The Bible says Jesus went 40 days without food...it didn't say 40 days without water.
Water is the "most plentiful resource on the Earth's surface." If you think that water is
"life support," then by definition anything that helps you live, even air, is life support.
He let him die naturally without ANY life support!
Sticking nails in one's hand is NOT natural! It's inhumane! It's cruel! Also, we see
with Isaac, that God "stayed his execution" at the last moment--but with Jesus, God had a
different plan.
So you right-to-die people are wrong. Crucifixion is the ONLY way GOD intended anyone to die
through means other than natural causes.
You are so far off base, it's not even funny. First, the Crucifixion was an example of
humanity's INJUSTICE. It was a MURDER. It was the wrong thing to do. God allowed it to
happen as an example, and a "once for all" solution. As the Bible says: "One died for all,
therefore all died." The point was, that we wouldn't have to go through the same thing.
Not that it was a proper way to die. In fact, it was the most unjust thing they could
possibly do to him, and included abuse, not just killing. Would YOU like to wear a crown
of thorns?
The bible says so and is never wrong because it is fact, which nonbelievers will never truly
understand.
If that's so, then that just proves the point of those who believe it is wrong to take
innocent life. As the Bible says: "Thou shalt not kill."
I can see your obit on the OBE list now...
THE GUYS (only/god/knows) - The chief organizers of the Old Blue Eyes Memorial Celebrity Death
Watch, (in)famous for hosting an annual "pick the soon-to-be-famously-dead" contest. In
hosting their contest of ill repute they garnered some amount of notoriety and fame in their
own right, and were quite surprised to find themselves on many player's lists over the past
several years. They were perhaps most famously known for altering obituaries and interspersing
them with irony, humor, and political commentary.
The same can't be said for YOU.
Perhaps most controversially, they dared to cast light on the hypocrisy of the participants
in the Terri Schiavo incident, where the religious right
How about the Democrats who blocked the original bill, ordering reinsertion of the tube?
That includes not just the U.S. Congress but the Florida Senate.
clashed with the right-to-die
You mean the "right to kill one's wife" so he can marry another woman movement?
movement in grand fashion in the Republican controlled legislature. In reference to the fact
that The Guys died in a freak accident involving semi-trucks crashing into their homes that
were respectively hauling gasoline and cigarette-lighter-flints, one member of the religious
right was heard to remark "I guess we were right. I'm glad I had them on my list this year,
though we should remember that God's List would win every year."
Ok, so this isn't funny--its too bad the Guys at the O.B.E. posted this one-sided tirade
from "Just a Guy" in the first place. Using superior powers of logic, I showed how one part
of "Just a Guy"'s argument negates another part. One minute he says the Bible is never wrong,
then he bashes "religious right" hypocrites. Talk about calling a spade a spade.
THE GUYS:
This is a great email that will likely be lost on the intended recipient.
THE BABY CRUSHERS:
I must say that I agree with that Surfer Joe guy, although I will not use foul language like
that asshole(oh..excuse me, a little slip). Omar Kuyama was Japan's oldest person. That
should not classify her as a celebrity. She wasn't even the worlds oldest person. But even
the worlds oldest person is not a celebrity. I really feel that it would be in the best
interest of the players of the O.B.E. if you would create a new rule that would rule out the
"OLDEST People" picks. I realize that for this year, it is too late to implement a new rule
so that Time to Go guy would not be penalized for following the rules as they stood at
12/31/2004, but, please consider this for next year.
THE GUYS:
Okay. Suppose the oldest person in the world runs a marathon and wins. It hits all the
papers. Now are they a celebrity? Not by our "new rules." And it goes from there.
When do they become a celebrity? If they are not celebrities, why does the mass media print
of their deaths? In other words, if you can craft a meaningful alternative, in detail,
cool. Otherwise, we're leaving this alone.
We've been down this road. Defining who is a "celebrity" is very difficult. As soon as
subjectivity is thrown in, the game becomes somewaht unfair. Although we agree in principle
that the "oldest" as well as some of these obscure picks are not what we had in mind, we also
realize that writing them away in the rules without introducing subjectivity is VERY
difficult. So we use the AP. This way, it's clearly objective.
DAVID H.:
Love the game.
i was wondering if i have missed some of the bulletins. I didn't get one for the Pope and i
was looking foward to that one as i thought it would be really funny. could you check your
mailing list to make sure i am on it?
THE GUYS:
You must have. We've sent them out. You remain on the list. Perhaps there is a spam filter
on your account which filters them out?
ANNE:
From his website:
Dear Friends,
It is with great sorrow that we must tell you that our
beloved George (Younce) went home to be with the Lord this
morning (April 11th, 2005) at approx. 3:30 am.
We are sad and life will never be the same but we are
happy for George. He had been so very sick and in much
pain for the last few months but now He is healthier
and happier than he has ever been.
More details to follow concerning the funeral.
Please continue to pray for the family
If I don't get points, at least give me credit
THE GUYS:
So far, still no AP obit though.
STU:
Cliff Clavin is the new pope????
THE GUYS:
Apparently Ted Danson was too busy.
ALREADY DEAD:
Cuban salsa legend Juan Pablo Torres, member of the group "Cuban
Masters," died at the age of 59 on Sunday 04/17/05. Torres, who also
played alongside Cachao and Patato Valdez, died late Sunday in Miami of
an inoperable brain tumor after spending days in a coma. The trombonist
was born in Puerto Padre, Cuba, in 1946.
Torres was one of the top trombonists in Cuban music, and recorded more
than a dozen albums with the likes of Bebo Valdez, Tito Puente, Paquito
D'Rivera and Arturo Sandoval.
In 2001, he joined the "Cuban Masters, Los originales" with Cachao
Lopez, Patato Valdez, Jose Fajardo and Alfredo "Chocolate" Armenteros.
Their album was nominated for a Grammy as well as a Latin Grammy.
THE GUYS:
No AP Obit though.
SELENA:
It is cruel and low to stake on celebrities who will die during this year. Don't even mention
Michael Jackson in your crap.
THE GUYS:
Heaven forbid! We certainly wouldn't want to insult our crap that way.
BOYZ FROM THE BURBS:
I am sure you're aware of this, but Actor Frank Gorshin, the man who played The Riddler
in the original 60s "Batman" series passed away Tuesday evening in the L.A. area. He was 72.
Considering his most famous role, I am sure you can have some fun with this one.
MIKE H.:
No wonder Johannes Bjelke-Peterson never won as Prime Minister of Oz. According to your
picture, he was totally a blank.
THE GUYS:
That is because we have been unable to find a suitable photo.
DT:
Hey, like that "sing to the tune of" ditty on Eddie..
You could also say he has NOW, really done bought the
farm...
THE GUYS:
We could, but we didn't. Remember that bucko.
TRANNSFIXUS SED NON MORTIMUS:
We would like to seek an appeal .While our pick was an Eddie, the last name was not the deal.
If you note the "why famous", it's Eddie that is Albert, that is real. Alas, we wrote Arnold,
being the humans that we are. We humbly seek amnesty from you, the Czar.
THE GUYS:
We've really stewed on this one. See, it's our feeling that the celebrity name is what makes
the pick, not the celebrity description. The celebrity description is required so that we,
The Guys, can figure out who some of the more obscure picks actually are. We only bother with
them, the descriptions, when we don't know the pick name. Compound our feelings, with the
fact that you didn't follow the directions on the entry when you failed to provide your real
name, address, and phone number and you've really got a situation where we're inclined to
say, "tough snot, baby." Plus, we rather like to say that.
Think about it. Your situation creates the following issue: An entry could read ----> "Baby
Spice - 40th President of the United States." So, is the pick George Bush Sr. or Emma Bunton
(aka Baby Spice)?
However, there is this little matter of the rules. See, they're not really clear on this
issue. Furthermore, they require that Death Watchers provide pick descriptions. So we guess
until we clarify the "why" of the pick description provision, we're obliged to provide you
with a hit. Your description makes clear who you meant by saying "Oliver Douglas" and you
at least got the first name correct.
For the record, that means we've not only got to redo the entry list, we also need to
recalculate the statistics, and the standings. Great, more work for us. Next time can you
do us a tiny favor and 1) fill out the entire entry form and 2) actually know the name of
your picks. Sheesh, they're supposed to be CELEBRITIES. That means you actually know them
by name.
We'll update in the next few days. Now, back to the beer.
THE BABY CRUSHERS:
Haven't gotten an email on Howard Morris. He palyed Ernest T. Bass on the andy Griffith show.
He passed away last week. It woul dbe great if he was recognozed by the O.B.E.
He was one of the funniest guys around.
THE GUYS:
Perhaps, kind sir, you have never seen Carrot Top.
DT:
..unnnudder wun bytes-da-dost:
http://www.firstcoastnews.com/entertainment/news-article.aspx?storyid=38731
Dana also played a 'Judge Mordente' in a 1985
A-Team episode called "Judgement Day"...
Guess he'll look up George Peppard up there
for some of that payback, eh?..
..or I should guess: DOWN there!! ...heheheheheh
THE GUYS:
In our book, not a celeb.
MIKE H.:
(Leon Askin)
Hmm, are you guys not recognizing General Buchhalter's passing or do you just Know Nothing....
THE GUYS:
Mike "you idiot" it was Sgt. Schultz that "knows nothing... nothing..."
Now pipe down will ya or we'll get Carter, Newkirk, and LeBeau to hold you down while Kinch
takes a slam at yer butt...
DT:
If Gemini dies soon, will it be included here?....
(celebrity status notwithstanding!!)
THE GUYS:
No. Animals rights and all notwithstanding.
LUKA:
THIS STUFF . . .NEWLY DISCOVERED . . .IS HILARIOUS. HOW CAN I FIND YOUR TAKE ON
(THE PROPHETICALLY NAMED) PRINCES DI?
THE GUYS:
We're pleased as punch you like it Luka! As for our take on Princess Di, and you can feel
free to quote us on this, "She's dead."
CHEFDEVERGUE:
Just in case you hadn't heard, the King of Tonga isn't dead yet.
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/index.cfm?c_id=2&ObjectID=10331492
I know you guys were all over this story & its global impact, and thought you would like to know.
THE GUYS:
Well thank goodness for that. We almost shit a brick (and that can hurt).
STU:
The wonderful thing about Tiggers, is now there isn’t one.
Death at Pooh Corner(sung to House at Pooh Corner by Loggins & Messina)
Christopher Robin and I walked along
Under branches lit up by the moon
Posing our questions to Owl and Eeyore
As our friends disappeared all too soon
But I've wandered much further today than I should
And Tigger and Piglet are stiffer than wood
{Refrain}
Help me if you can I've got to get
Back to the funeral home at Pooh Corner by one
You'd be surprised, there's so much to be done
Greet all the guests at the wake
Don’t know how much I can take
Eulogies made by Christopher Robin and Pooh
Winnie the Pooh doesn't know what to do
Got a Tigger and Pig to lament
He came to me asking help and advice
I suggested six feet of cement
So I sent him to ask of the Owl if he's there
How to get two dead bodies from the house of a bear
So Help me if you can I've got to get
Back to the funeral home at Pooh Corner by one
You'd be surprised, there's so much to be done
Bury the tiger and pig
Don’t know how deep I should dig
Where in the hell is Christopher Robin
Where in the hell is Christopher Robin
Why don’t I bury Christopher Robin too??????
THE GUYS:
The tag line presented above is so damn funny we will steal it without regret and use
it in the obit. The end.
MIKE H.:
35 dead out of 494. That equals roughly seven percent. Better luck in 2005 Part Deux
THE GUYS:
Look you knucklehead, if you can't do the math correctly don't bother with the email.
It equals roughly 7.08502 percent. Jeesh.
DT:
Did you send one re Paul Winchell yet?
DT:
(Later) What happened to the PAUL WINCHELL death report?.
He WAS the one that invented the articial heart..
THE GUYS:
What do you think? Of course. Can't a couple of guys take a vacation without getting all
kinds of questions? All kinds of crap? Come on man, you're freaking us out. Pop! Glug,
Glug, Glug. Alright. That's better. We'll get to it.
THE GUYS:
(Later) Oh, we thought he was the guy who wrote that song for the Carpenters.
FRANK C.:
If you're as busy as I've been, I'm sure you have no more time to read this than I do to
write it but...
Surprised to see no reference to Paul Winchell's recent demise. If being the voice of
'Tigger' isn't enough to qualify him, certainly Jerry Mahoney and Knucklehead Smiff might be
worthy accomplishments.
No answer required, just a plug for a funny guy who will be missed (at least by Tigger
who now has to share a voice with Winnie the Pooh).
THE GUYS:
Look here Frank....We took a friggin' vacation. Don't you big corporate types get them too?
Huh? Then just as we figure we might relax some, every friggin' Death Watcher in the known
galaxy decides to give us crap about the voice of some two bit cartoon character. Furthermore,
you lack the necessary political correctness to send further emails to us for posting.
Really, using the "T" word. What's wrog with you.
MIKE H.:
I know you dudes are probably doing more important things, like perusing old Playboys or
Penthouses but it has been a week since Luther croaked and four days since Hank Stram was
sacked by the reaper.
THE GUYS:
Look pudknock, we've been on vacation. We'll catch up, Stram and Vandross ain't going
anywhere. As for what we're perusing, we're more the Velvet, Qui and Highlights types.
If we're gonna look, lets make it raunchy, ya know. Man, that Goofus and Gallant. Damn!
CRAIG G.:
I really enjoy your site, I am a bit strange that way.
Just one complaint- it seems that this year you are
very slow to post recent deaths. Luther Van Dross has
been gone almost three weeks and the most recent thing
you have is Ann Bancroft from early June. Not being a
death monger, well maybe a little, but it took you
guys over a week to post her death as well. My past
experience with your site was always having your pithy
little epithets up within a couple of days of the
persons passing. Hope nothing has happened to you!
Keep up the good work.
THE GUYS:
It just so happens we had a little extended vacation. Then we came back to a crap storm at
work. Then our computer crashed (in a very permananent way). Now were in the process of
rebuilding what was on the old computer on the new one. So pipe down. We'll get there.
THE GUYS:
Yeah, yeah, we know William Westmoreland died. Yeah, we also know it has been a month since
any updates/emails. First there was vaction. Then the computer crashed. Then there was the
transfer of all the files and emails, etc to the new computer. Maybe, just maybe, we can get
back on track in the next few days. Until then, piss off. Did we mention William
Westmoreland died?
MARCUS:
Do you have any mailing list you can include me on when it is time to start entering
the 2006 competition? If so, can you include me?
THE GUYS:
Join our mailing list from the OBE home page at www.flymetothetomb.com. That should keep you
up to date.
BABY CRUSHERS:
I was looking at the standings and discovered a small mistake.
I, along with a few others, have 4 deaths and a point total of
10. This is not correct. 4 deaths at 3 points each is 12.
Could you look into this.
THE GUYS:
Yes. We'll check it out shortly.
KAY:
Former New Zealand Prime Minister David Lange, 63, has died after
complications of renal failure. A pugnacious and witty former Methodist lay
preacher who spent five turbulent years as the country's premier from 1984,
he was taken to hospital last month and had his right leg amputated after a
complication of diabetes.
THE GUYS:
Got it!
LIZ:
I just wanted to write a quick note to you all to let you know I have resigned from my job at
XXXXXXX and therefore will not be using that email address any longer. For the time being,
I am in the process of updating my resume to possibly send out but haven’t completely decided
what type of job I will be looking for – possibly something part time.
Please remain in touch, I will continue to be on email everyday and would love to hear from
all of you (especially since Danny thinks I will get bored quick!!).
THE GUYS:
Quickly. QuickLY. "Danny thinks I will get bored QUICKLY". It's an adverb. Ya know,
School House Rocks, "Lolly, Lolly, Lolly get your adverbs here." Notice how they used the
name Lolly to remind you of the LY. Sheesh.
Now that we're done with that, you'll need to sign up for the OBE mail list with your new
email address. You can do that via the main page. Do it quickLY, so you don't forget.
LIZ:
Sorry, Sorry...what can I say - been out of school too long!
What are your plans for Thanksgiving? We are thinking about making a trip
up to visit, see the new house, etc. so let us know what you guys are
planning.
How is school for Charlie and Chloe?
Keep in touch!
THE GUYS:
Charlie? Chole? Liz, baby, are smoking dope?
TIME TO GO:
Ok, it happened again.
China Daily Oldest person in world dies at age of 115 Decatur Daily Democrat, IN - 11 hours
ago AMSTERDAM, Netherlands (AP) -- A woman listed as the world's oldest person died Tuesday
at age 115, according to the director of the home for the elderly where ...
THE GUYS:
What, that weird feeling you get when you look at muscle magazines? Hey, its natural.
TIME TO GO:
With Rehnquist offing, I now have 9 deaths. I'm going for all 13!
THE GUYS:
We once had a friend who was going for all 13. It was fun while it lasted, but when he
turned 18, the cops caught him. You can figure out the rest.
TIME TO GO:
Great put-downs, but I don't see them on the message board!
THE GUYS:
Man, you are a relentless one. We'll get to it eventually.
RETURN OF EL MUERTO GIGANTE:
Sure, y'all were just itching with your two index fingers, ready to hunt-and-peck type
Hunter Kelly's name up onto the tote board. But when some 115 year-old woman dies, you can't
be bothered with it. "Noooooooooooo, that's too mundane. We'll stick to kids, thanks."
What does Hendrikje van Andel-Schipper have to do to get you guys to notice? Diddle some
kid in her private amusement park? Fat chance now.
THE GUYS:
Uh, we sent out an obit on August 31, 2005. We just haven't updated the page yet.
Way to be on the mail list muh'man.
BABY CRUSHERS:
I just noticed that on the statitics page, you put the word DEAD in the
description of dead celebrities, however, Johnnie Cochran is dead but you
seem to have missed putting the word DEAD in his description.
Just thought you would want to know.
THE GUYS:
Hey, look, there should be a guilty after OJ's name too. Give us a break.
BABY CRUSHERS:
I just noticed that on the statitics page, you put the word DEAD in the
description of dead celebrities, however, Sir John Mills is dead but you
seem to have missed putting the word DEAD in his description.
Just thought you would want to know.
THE GUYS:
Indeed. Indeed!
RICHARD:
Tommy (butch) Bond of the Our Gang (Little Rascals) comedies died on September 29th.
THE GUYS:
Yup. He sure did.
DAN:
Louie Nye Nulled
THE GUYS:
Louie nye is one dead guy but a "Celebrity" we do not spy.
DAN:
NOT a celeb?....right...Check IMDB
THE GUYS:
Here we go again. Look, we've used the water cooler example before. We'll spare you this
time. Suffice it to say that a celebrity, in our minds, is someone who is known for,
among other things, being known. Why don't you ask ten people you meet on the street who
Louie Nye is. Then ask those ten people who, say, Groucho Marx is. There's a difference.
Now, according to the rules, if some obscure person is on a list and they get an AP obit,
so be it. But we can't list everyone who had great, funny, and in our opinion, in the case
of Mr. Nye, brilliant, carrers.
DAN:
OK, I see your point guys....
Keep in mind that many dead celebs that weren't too
familar in the minds of THIS 'generation Z' era,
...certainly WERE to many of the X's...
THE GUYS:
Okay, Okay, you're right. We give.
DAN:
Glad I was able to help here re 'NYE'....
This guy WAS kindof an outsider
in the 'ring of celeb rubles'...:)
I'm NEVER knocking you guys, OK?
Please always keep that in mind here...
You still provide a great service that has made me
become aware via e-mail of certain stars that have
bit da dust...and for THAT I salute you
wholeheartedly...
PERO:
rosa parks died at 93 today
you are a weiner
THE GUYS:
We know.
She was 92.
We know.
LIZ:
Hey! Please let us know what you guys and the kids would like for Xmas….need to do some
shopping!! Also, what sizes to the kids wear now?
THE GUYS:
We're certain you're a swell girl. Heck, you've sent us pictures of your family, you've sent
us email for which we have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. Now, you're
offering Christmas presents?
Heck, just send money.
LIZ:
So weird...I really don't know how your email address got into my address
book but somehow it did, very strange. Sorry for the confusion, intended
for my husband's brother and his family- I promise not to annoy you anymore
:-) You do have a great name though....
BABY CRUSHERS:
I was just reading the rules for 2006 and am a bit confused about the following:
11.2 WHEN THE SCORE SYSTEM STILL RESULTS IN TIES
In the event of a tie, even after the scoring system is applied, each tieing entry, for
the position it ties, will evenly divide the prize. That means that, if enough entries tie
for first, each winner might actually get less than one entry taking second. Tough turds.
In the event 2 people tie for first, Then one of them will be the winner and the other
will be the second place finisher. There can't be a separate second place winner if more
than one person finishes in a tie for first.
Did I misinterpret this rule? Or...is this rule incorrect?
Long live the O.B.E. Get it Long LIVE the O.B.E. HA HA HA
THE GUYS:
Yes, you did.
If there is a tie for first because each tieing player has the same number of deaths but
different scores, then one takes first (high score) and one second (low score). But if both
have the same number of deaths and the same score, they split the prize for first and a
second is still awarded.
BABY CRUSHERS:
I know that you guys made the rules and The O.B.E. is your baby and far be it from me to
try get a rule change, but, This does not make sense to me. In the case of two players
having the same number of deaths and the same score, both those players are being penalized.
And a person that should not be in the money, now becomes the big winner. The way it should
be is that if two players have the same number of deaths and the same score, the first and
second place prize money should be combined and those two players should split all of the
money. After all, those two players did finish 1 and 2. That is how it is done in all
aspects of prize money (EG: the PGA tour)
Now you guys may tell me to take a hike and if you do, I could use the excersize so I
will take that hike. But if you do see my point then you may decide to reconsider.
Thanks for creating the O.B.E. I have enjoyed being a part if it these past several years.
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