THE O.B.E. MAIL BAG
This portion of the O.B.E is dedicated to those of you who
are among the living. During the course of the year, feel free to e-mail
the O.B.E. with thoughts, opinions, and general fun stuff.
One little change this year is that this page now reads from the top down. Wanna go directly to
the most recent postings? Just press this thingy
MORE CRAP ABOUT SCHAAP (1/01/02)
ROBERT Y.:
Not that I think Dick Schaap was a celebrity (I never heard of him), but I did find an AP obit on him:
http://www.azcentral.com/sports/azetc/1221schapp.html
THE GUYS:
Okay, Okay!
EVEN MORE CRAP ABOUT SCHAAP (1/01/02)
MARVIN M.:
Something is very wrong if the AP didn't list him. Why don't you try
1-800 COLLECT and find out. He should count as far as I'm concerned.
THE GUYS:
The AP did post an article on Dick's death. IT just wasn't posted under the
obituaries section. It would have counted if someone had Dick.
But, it seems none of our players have Dick.
CHRIS D. PONDERS THE DEATH WATCH (1/01/02)
CHRIS D.:
Here I am, sitting at my computer, 4:10 PM, January the 1th, 2002, and nobody
has kicked yet. At this point last year, we lost a coach's wife, our
favorite Martian, and Mike R's first pick of the unknown - Oprah's
boyfriend's relation. Does this mean that it's going to be a slow year? I
hope to go 0 - 12, but what would the point of this whole pool be, then?
THE GUYS:
Uh, the $100.
DOES THAT SAY "HUD"? (1/01/02)
HUDSUCKER "CAP PISTOL" LEE, VIII:
Mom dun went and did it. She had herself a New Year's Eve Party. It got out
of hand. Let's just say that when those crazys from Ma's Ma's side of the
family shown up, even them Dang gators went had hid themselves. The
moonshine was pourin' freely. Thens they start settin' off the dang TNT,
thens the sherruf dun shows up and - BAMMO - crazy Uncle Luther goes and
blows up the squad car! It was a real New Year's Blast! Well, I hopes y'all
haves a good year and I'lls be in touch. Be careful for that moonshine that
Ma is sendin' to peoples.
THE GUYS:
Man, they really ought to do something about inbreeding!
MIKEMOTO VENTS (1/01/02)
MIKEMOTO:
I will send you guys the $3 now that I
know you are legit. There is a certain other death pool operator who decided
not to maintain his site after last April and he pissed me off unmercifully.
THE GUYS:
As sad as this is, we take our little Death Watch Quite seriously and our fans
loyalty even more so. We keep our promises, abide by the rules, and pay out promptly.
You can check that with Mike R., who has won the last two of these!!!
THEY LIKE US! THEY REALLY LIKE US! (1/02/02)
DUSTY:
You guys are awesome!
MIKEMOTO, EDITOR IN CHIEF (1/02/02)
MIKEMOTO.:
Harvey Martin is listed at the top of Kipling34's list.
If the Harvey Martin to whom he/she/they are referring to is the former Dallas Cowboys
player, he passed away December 24, 2001 at age 51.
THE GUYS:
You're correct. Kipling's alternate should have been listed in that spot.
We've corrected our error. Thanks!
ANOTHER YEAR OF THIS HAG (1/02/02)
MORGUENOLIA BLOSSOM LEE:
Well my my my, but the lil' offspring has done gone and spouted out our
one family tradition we have held so sacred for so long. Now I don't
want to sound crazy, but that boy sho has got a lotta nerve talkin about
the New Years Eve Swamp, 'Shine and TNT Festival we ben holdin since
General Stonewall Jackson was shot and lost his vulcanized rubber
raincoat to some northerner who picked him clean like my son in a bank
vault.
HAPPY NEW YEAR AND MAY THE LIST GROW SHORTER!
THE GUYS:
Aw hell, we thought you were dead.
PHOEBE'S IN THE HOUSE (1/03/02)
PHOEBE:
You have Muhammad Ali listed on my picks, instead of Mohammad Zahir Shah,
which was my pick. I realize that the two of them are very easy to confuse...
didn't it take Ezzard Charles a full 15 rounds to defeat Mohammad Zahir Shah back in 1949?
THE GUYS:
Our O.B.E. super computer pulls names out of a database, creatively
titled "Alive Folks." The database grabs the names after few letters
are keyed in. The similarity in names coupled with the fact that we
haven't checked the lists for accuracy yet resulted in this error.
As we recall, however, Mohammad Zahir Shah could sting like a bee.
We'll fix this promptly.
ROBERT IS ANXIOUS (1/03/02)
ROBERT Y.:
Reuters is reporting the death of Guinness' "world's oldest man" titleholder overnight, Antonio Todde. Born Jan 22, 1889, he comes up short of his birthday. He was on at least three lists.
It is too early to tell if this will appear in AP, but it probably will.
Attached is a photo of Antonio Todde. I'll leave the humor to you.
Ironically (the way I mean to use the word), I didn't put him on my list because
he appeared to be in good shape. Maybe he drank too much last night.
THE GUYS:
Someone who is assumed to be in good health and then dies may be irony.
It would be a clearer case of irony if Antonio had just left the
doctors office having had the doctor tell him, "You're in great heath."
ROBERT Y.:
Well, to me I could have put him on my list, but I didn't.
So whatever you want to call that, it's like Homer Simpson's "doh" when
he realizes he did the wrong thing.
I found an AP obit at Canada.com
THE GUYS:
We got the AP listing. He's already been posted.
LOIS ON PHILLIPS (1/04/02)
LOIS R.:
I was wondering if you were going to post Julia Phillips to your site.
She died of cancer on January 2 or 3, I believe. She was the producer
of such movies as "The Sting," "Taxi Driver," and "Close Encounters of the Third Kind."
She also wrote two books: "You'll Never Eat Lunch in this Town Again"
and "Driving Under the Affluence." Her first book will make a great little
comment for when people wave their mouse over her picture.
The book was a scream and told all kinds of naughty stuff about celebs.
Thanks guys, and keep up the good work! Love the site. I've attached a .jpg
of the cover of her book (has her picture on it - smoking a cigarette, of course).
THE GUYS:
Actually, Julia died on Dec 31, 2001. For that reason, she is posted in the archives
under the 2001 Dead Folks link. Also, if you sign up for our mailing list
(from the main page) you'll get regualr updates on who has died.
LOIS R.:
WOW! You guys are on the ball. The IMDb didn't report it until this week.
Thanks! I'll be sure to sign up for the mailing list.
THE GUYS:
We do our best.
D.L. IS EASILY MISLED (1/05/02)
D.L.:
I was trying to find out if a celebrity died or not, I heard that
Steven Banks (Blue's Clues/Nickelodeon) committed suicide and wanted to read
an article or such.
What do you know about it?
THE GUYS:
We know that's its nothing more than urban legend.
OUR FIRST TYPO OF 2002 (1/05/02)
EM:
"Actress. Ms. Heckart won an Oscar for her work in Butterflies Are Beautiful"
She's dead, so she probably doesn't care, but the title of the play and film
was actually Butterflies are Free.
THE GUYS:
Corrected.
CHRIS D. IS STILL BELLY ACHING ABOUT TAD (1/06/02)
CHRIS D.:
Is Tad Szulc eligible for this year's list again? Since he was such a huge
celebrity, maybe he could pass on to meet Frank twice.
THE GUYS:
Tad who?
CHRIS D.:
Yeah, yeah, that's what I said last year when he died in the first place.
ONE FOOT IN THE GRAVE IS A REGULAR JIM ROCKFORD (1/07/02)
ONE FOOT:
WOO-HOO I'm off to a good start this year (after a rookie 5th place finish)
by putting Antonio Todde on the list. With a few exceptions, my team
isn't made up entirely of old fogies as it was last year. I'm not sure of
their average age - I'm waiting for Robert Y to supply that again this year.
Hey - did Mike R. change his team name this year [from the original "Mike
R." ] to something else for 2002? [He's going for a three-peat isn't he?]
Also, what is the team name of Robert Y? It would be nice to know the
picks of anyone who hadn't heard of Dick Schaap. [You must not have ever
seen Dick on ESPN's "Sports Reporters" OR read any of his books? TOTALLY
understandable - Schaap just recently joined the ESPN program in 1988 and
only wrote 33 books raging from sports, political figures, killers, and drug
abuse.]
THE GUYS:
As a matter of policy we don't tell you who uses what team name.
We will tell you Mike is playing this year. So is Robert.
Dick Schaap, who ever he is, he ain't playing.
ONE FOOT:
But can you put "2001 Winner" by last year's victorious contestant on the
ENTRIES page? [He, he, he - I didn't think that would work.]
Are you on pay-pal? That would be an easy & convenient why of sending the $3 this year.
If so, please provide e-mail address you would like paid.
THE GUYS:
You'll figure out how Mike R. is entered in time, we're certain.
As for PayPal, we don't do that stuff. If you want to pay, pal, drop $3
in an envelope, slap a stamp on it, and send it to the Guys at the O.B.E.
The address is in the Rules.
THE CHEF IS COOKING AGAIN (1/08/02)
CHEFDEVERGUE:
Poor Dave Thomas --- he putters along for years and years, hocking his
square burgers, and everything is just fine. Then he hooks up with the
NASCAR gang, and look what happens.
THE GUYS:
Ya know, why is it that nobody really understood the complexity of the man.
The guy was friggin' genius; a renaissance man. Come on, SPICY chicken sandwich.
Brilliant!
CHEFDEVERGUE:
Sure, he was pretty innovative, but all I know is that I got violently ill
eating one of those square burgers about 12 years back. Of course that
restaurant was only a stone's throw from the Hanford Nuclear Reservation, so
that have might had something to do with it. In fact I think those burgers
might have had a bit of an incandescent glow to them. Probably not Dave's
fault.
A SPECIAL NOTE FROM THE GUYS TO STALKER AND HER SISTER (1/09/02)
THE GUYS:
We just wanted to extended a special thank you to you two. Amazingly, your donations
account for 23.5% of all the cash we've gotten to-date. Guess that recession has hit some
of our players.
Anyway, you guys were really generous and we truly appreciate that generosity.
We'll try and keep ya laughing all year. And hey, maybe you'll win! (Did that one make you
laugh? It had us rolling).
Stay well, be happy, and keep watching.
TOM R. ON ESQUIVEL (1/10/02)
TOM R.:
Esquivel, the only real musical artist, ever.
THE GUYS:
Uh, you forgot Tiny Tim dude.
MAN, PHOEBE IS INOT SOME WEIRD STUFF (1/12/02)
PHOEBE:
So Dave Thomas is dead now, and I started wondering if Carl Karcher (Carl's Jr.) and
Forrest & LeRoy Raffel (Arby's) are still alive and kicking. I suppose I could check
with the local library, but it seems like you guys are in the know.
THE GUYS:
Carl Karcher is alive. Forrest & LeRoy Raffel are alive.
And damnitall, Bob Hope is alive too.
ROBERT'S JUST CRAZY 'BOUT CYRUS (1/13/02)
ROBERT Y.:
Former Sec. of State Cyrus Vance (1977-1980) died Jan. 12.
He is best known for failing to get the hostages from Iran released, and resigned.
He also said the Vietnam War was "a mistake."
Did I mention he also gave the Panama Canal back to Panama, the Sinai back to Egypt,
and accomplished nothing in Bosnia after more than a year there.
A real appeaser and a loser.
THE GUYS:
You are talking about Cyrus, right?
LEE...... (1/13/02)
MORGUENOLIA BLOSSOM LEE:
Heaven only knows why you keep beggin fo money.
I do declare I have never heard this much askin fo money since Jim Bakker
was reduced to tears. I will send some of my money, as soon as that little boy
of mine turns his back so's I can get some from my secret stash.
I may hafta to send money for cap pistol as well, the cheap lil' bastard.
THE GUYS:
Please, no confederate notes. Okay?
ROBERT Y. ON SOME SALTY OLD DOG (1/13/02)
ROBERT Y.:
Don't know if this counts as a celebrity, maybe a death bulletin:
Gregorio Fuentes, the "old man" who inspired Hemingway's "The OId Man and the Sea," died
at 104 (July 11, 1897-Jan 13, 2002). THAT old man.
THE GUYS:
Yeah, we hear the doctor who treated Kurt Vonnegut's hemorrhoids died too.
We better get posting.
STALKER JUMPS TO CONCLUSIONS ABOUT TED DEMME (1/14/02)
STACEY THE STALKER:
Someone I went to school with died the same way, did an 8 ball, and died of a heart attack
playing a pick up game of basketball. "Blow" and B-Ball don't mix.
THE GUYS:
Now, now Stalker. The cause of death has yet to be released. Maybe he ate some bad tuna.
MIKEMOTO HAS A CRUMMY JOB (1/14/02)
MIKEMOTO:
A couple of things: first, I finally sent you the $3 today.
A little payroll problem where I work resulted in me not getting paid until the 14th.
Second, movie director Ted Demme, who I believe is the nephew of Jonathon Demme,
passed away yesterday at the ripe old age of 38, of an apparent heart attack at age 38.
Since his unc directed Silence of the Lambs, perhaps old Hannibal Lector got to him instead.
THE GUYS:
A couple things. First, we're way ahead of you on Demme. Second, get another friggin' job.
Those cheapskates you're working for now are not to be trusted.
STALKER'S GETTING FRISKY (1/14/02)
STACEY THE STALKER:
Okay, I was hasty....
I've been a bad girl...
And you know what happens to bad little girls....
THE GUYS:
Easy there Stacey. Even Bob Dole knew when to lay off the Viagra.
MAN THAT ROBERT IS FULL OF HIMSELF (1/14/02)
ROBERT Y.:
As to "One Foot in the Grave's" question, the average age on his list is 85.2,
but the median age on his list is 98.
The average age on my list is higher, but the median age is the same.
Also, he misses the point: I was not so much making fun of his ability to
select people for the list, as I was pointing out that sometimes very old people
just keep on going (like the comments about the Queen Mother versus Korey Stringer).
As for the Dick Schaap comments, I don't consider sportscasters to be "stars" unless
they're unusually funny. Anyone can be a talking head on TV, but not everyone can
dunk a basketball, hit a home run, etc. So even when I do watch ESPN I tend to focus on
the players, not the over-the hill white guy sitting in the booth.
THE GUYS:
To be clear, we run a "celebrity" death watch not a "star" death watch.
An example: Lee Iacoca is a celebrity. He is not a star.
On another note, isn't the median that thing in the middle of the highway?
ROBERT Y.:
Did you take math class in high school?
Spanish Nobel Prize-winning (1989) novelist Camilo Jose Cela died Jan 17 at the age of 85.
Before you say, "BORING," read what he wanted written on his epitaph:
http://www.iht.com/articles/45248.html
(Hint: It's at the END of the obituary!)
He was also head of the Spanish "Pardon Marc Rich" committee which was successful in getting
Clinton to pardon the rich bastard. Money talks!!
THE GUYS:
High School? Dude, that's for sissys.
ROBERT Y.:
So you didn't go to high school...that explains a lot.
What does high school have to do with reading an obituary? You can't read?
You didn't get the joke, did you?
It said he wanted written on his tombstone, "Here lies someone who tried to screw his
fellow man as little as possible."
You don't see the humor in that?
THE GUYS:
Follow the thread genius. The High School comment had to do with your question
regarding a joke we cracked about the word "median." You inquired whether we took High School
math. We replied.
You insist on sending us emails about people who have died but who are not even remotely
celebrities. We tolerate it. That doesn't mean we have to reply to every one of them.
A lack of reply, however, does not mean that we haven't read and fully understood your emails. One of us has more intelligence in his right nut than you have in your whole being. Of course, that one has a severe swelling problem... but that's for another time.
In conclusion, we saw the humor in the obituary. However, we were both earning livings,
ya know working, at jobs, and really didn't think we needed to answer your constant emails.
Guess we were wrong. So Einstein, that's where we stand.
We don't know what mode you're in when you write these things, but you should really try to
understand what we mean when we reply. Median, puh.
TOM ON ESQUIVEL (1/16/02)
TOM:
Where's Esquivel? Huh??
THE GUYS:
We're guessing he's under about 72
inches of clay and top soil somewhere in Mexico? Any other questions?.
THE CHEF IS BACK IN THE KITCHEN (1/17/02)
CHEFDEVERGUE:
Camilo Jose Duarte, winner of the 1989 Nobel Prize for Literature, has died
at the age of 85. Wrong Nobel laureate, dammit.
THE GUYS:
You mean Camilo Jose Cela. His book was "The Family of Pascual Duarte."
So actually, it REALLY was the wrong nobel laureate.
CHEFDEVERGUE:
Oops, darned typos. Maybe my fingers were still thawing out from a 30
minute walk in 12 degree weather (where are those gloves anyway?), or maybe
I have been inspired by your own deftness on the keyboard. Imagine if it
had been José Echegaray y Eizaguirre.
ROBERT N. ON TRIVIA (1/23/02)
ROBERT N.:
It's been a long time since i've been to the site... What ever happened to
the trivia?
THE GUYS:
Cancelled due to lack of interest. Haven't had it in a year.
You should visit more often. We miss you.
PHOEBE DISCUSSES MATTERS TESTICULAR AND THEN SOME(1/25/02)
PHOEBE:
Hey, sorry to hear about that swollen nut of yours. I think it is really courageous
of you to continue to run this death watch despite what must be a great deal of discomfort.
Intumesco, ergo sum, I suppose. Since you are having such a pain in your balls,
I hate to be a pain in your ass, but here it goes --- how does Cliff Baxter rate in
the celebrity scheme of things? He certainly has been subject of much talk around the
water cooler today, but does his comparitively recent notoriety merit a mention in your site?
Here's hoping for your future testicular happiness....
THE GUYS:
There is always discomfort in running this thing. A friend gets cancer, a loved one dies,
or someone in the prime of life checks out and we think, damn there is absolutely nothing
funny about this! There are times we squirm when we write the obits for the page
(most recently with Carrie Hamilton, a woman just about our age). But, we realize that
life and death are, in fact, quite funny. If folks would just step back and see the big
picture they'd recognize death as the great equalizer (that in itself is kina funny) and
that laughter, even in the face of sadness...no, ESPECIALLY in the face of sadness....
is the best thing we have as humans. It is a very thin thread between comedy and tragedy.
We can only speak for ourselves, but we'd rather have a room full of hecklers and people
laughing at our funerals than a room full of dirges and tears. We presume the room would be
full of our friends, why would we want them crying? And frankly, dirges are a bore.
Mr. Baxter is not a celebrity. We do hope, however, that the guy was consumed with guilt.
He and plenty others in Enron and Anderson should be.
As for the great expanding nut, it was actually a beach ball we forgot to put away from this
summer. Imagine that. This same thing happened last year when we went to a hot air
ballooning festival, but that's for another time.
PHOEBE:
Boy, you guys are a couple of philosophers. You've been re-reading your Jean de la Bruyère,
haven't you? I suppose you have to be philosophical when you keep getting beach balls stuck
in your trousers. Please try to be more careful in the future. By the way, Marjan the Lion
died at the Kabul Zoo yesterday. For Death Watch purposes he is clearly not a celebrity but
I note his passing nonetheless.
THE GUYS:
Hey! We may be alot of things, but we ain't French damnit!
PHOEBE:
Well you sure are cranky enough at times to be mistaken for a frenchman.
And I could have sworn that Matt has sung "Thank Heaven for Little Girls" once or twice.
MARVIN REGARDING OUR ASTRID LINDGREN BULLETIN (1/26/02)
MARVIN M.:
Wrongo, best thing out of Sweden are the lovely Bikini girls popular in
the 70's-80's. Ooops, I'm dating myself again. Never mind the fish,
gimme a HELL YES on the erotica!!!
THE GUYS:
Apparently you believe in going all the way on the first date too.
THE CHEF ON NIGHT TRAIN (2/1/02)
CHEFDEVERGUE:
No mention of Night Train Lane? Come now; he's an NFL Hall of Famer, with a
cool nickname to boot. With the possible exception of the Queen Mother, he
was one of the most terrifying players the NFL has seen.
THE GUYS:
We're not gonna post him, but we've gotta tell ya that the Queen Mother comment
was a bona fide pisser!
STACEY STATES THE OBVIOUS (2/2/02)
STACEY THE STALKER:
Damn I'm Good!
Miss Cleo done tolded me...
Coroner: Demme Had Cocaine in System
THE GUYS:
So we've heard.
IS KEN A CHEAPSKATE? (2/3/02)
KEN Y.:
I'm sorry I keep forgetting to end the three bucks I promised. It's
been a weird month... I'll get to it, in the meantime if you come
$3 short on the web space payments feel free to give my name to
Swift Louie the legbreaker.
THE GUYS:
We're sorry too. And we gave your name to Louie weeks ago.
JENNIFER ON HER DAD (2/9/02)
JENNIFER:
You can only imagine the pain and anger that I feel at this moment. I was searching the
internet to find some pictures of my dad. Unfortunately, I found your website as I searched.
How rude, tacky, hurtful of you to create such a site. To create a game based on the lives,
or should I say deaths, of people. My father is a wonderful man. A man of integrity.
I admire him in so many way, for his actions both on and off the field. At the moment he
his battling the toughest battle of his life - while you play a betting game. YOU ARE SICK.
I am so saddened to see such a thing like this. Did you ever think that a family member
would find your site? Well, it has happened. A daughter has just found her dad's name
listed as one who is thought to not make it through the year. It is amazing - We have
received so many emails, cards, letters, packages...from people all over telling us
that they are praying for us.....From you, we get a "we think you won't make it through
the year." I am appalled. I really could not be in your shoes, knowing that I was
keeping score of those who are dying. Why don't you make better use of your time?
I am speechless.
THE GUYS:
We could spend some time explaining our views of illness and death but you'd find little
solace in them and they've been repeatedly outlined on our web site. We could try to
explain our admiration for so many of the people that end up posted on our site but
you'd likely (though wrongly) think we were insincere. Instead, we'll just tell you
we are sorry if you feel hurt and we hope you find peace of mind and laughter in your future.
TAMARA CHECKS IN (2/12/02)
TAMARA:
I wimped out on the deadline, as usual. I really could think of one sure
death in 2002, but now I hear Liza is healthy as a horse. Not a chip off
the old block, I guess. Well there's always the Daytona race coming
up...Or whatever. I miss the commentary most of all. Hope you guys
keep keepin on.
THE GUYS:
When you say "healthy as" do you mean resembles? Just curious.
MAN, THAT CHEF IS ONE SICK DUDE (2/14/02)
CHEFDEVRGUE:
Maybe I am mistaken, but I always thought Pippi Longstocking WAS Swedish
erotica.
THE GUYS:
Yeah, it's those pigtails and freckles. They get ya every time. Chefdeperv is more like it.
CHEFDEVRGUE:
mmmmmmmm......freckles........
ROBERT ON JENNIFER'S EMAIL (2/14/02)
ROBERT Y.:
Who is Jennifer's dad?
At first I felt the same way about this deathpool--but check out the others--
there are certainly worse ones out there. In any case, I feel that in a way
that obituaries and the like may be a bit morbid, but they honor those who are
dying--after all, we only die once. I think there's not much worse than to die
and be forgotten about. And since no one can be certain when death comes, each
year there are pleasant surprises of people supposed to die who survive. You can't
have miracles without lowered expectations first. So put it in the hands of God and
hope for the best.
Jesus himself said, "One is taken and one is left" (something about grinding at the mill).
THE GUYS:
Jennifer's dad is Johnny Oates.
"There are certainly worse ones" is far from a stellar endorsement of our efforts.
It would have been nicer if you had said, "there are few better ones."
We find something very disturbing in considering the meeting or exceeding of
lowered expectations miraculous. How about we keep the expectations high and
enjoy the struggle to achieve?
As for the "put it in the hands of God and hope for the best" thing,
we're down with that. And for goodness sakes, don't forget to chuckle too.
Finally, we believe you're quoting Jesus from the wedding at Canna.
As we recall the tale, following the turning of water into to wine so that
the bride and groom did not make a major social faux pas, the best man was
heard to say "Hey where are the last two pigs in a blanket?"
ANOTHER LEE EMAIL, YIPEE (2/18/02)
HUDSUCKER "CAP PISTOL" LEE, VIII:
Well, here it is be, President's Day. My thinking be, instead of President's
Day, couldn't we be celebratin' Jefferson Davis got his butt whooped day? I
mean instead of celebratin' two great dudes, we could be gloryin' in the fact
that we knocked the holy crapola out of the whole friggin' South. Now I
knows that Ma' will be irritated by this, but who cares what a dimwitted ol'
bat who should have died years ago thinks? Does she even think? What do you
guys think?
THE GUYS:
Our thinking be that we need to change our email address.
ROBERT Y. BELLYACHES (2/19/02)
ROBERT Y.:
What is really frustrating is the deaths I almost put on my list, but didn't.
Theresa Bernstein, born March 1, 1890, was a painter and a group of the "Philadelphia Ten"
from 1917. Her works go for $100,000 a picture. I knew she was 111, but I dropped her
at the last minutefrom my list because I thought her death might not make the AP.
Needless to say, it did:
HERE
She died Feb 13, 2002, just 16 days shy of 112. Dying just before your birthday
seems to be fashionable this year.
THE GUYS:
What's REALLY frustrating is that you think anyone gives a rat's ass about
your missed picks, Theresa Bernstein, or any of the other namby pampy "Philadelphia Ten."
ROBERT Y.:
Maybe you're jealous because you don't get $100,000 a painting for YOUR artwork.
And the critics said she "painted like a man." That doesn't sound namby-pamby to me.
Once again, you make an issue out of something that wasn't a problem.
I thought you were supposed to be a comedian.
THE GUYS:
You did?
WATCHERS TALK UP CHUCK (UP CHUCK HEH HEH HEH) (2/24/02)
CHRIS D.:
Great write up about Chuck Jones. You're both right - he probably doesn't
think he's in Pismo Beach - He must have taken that wrong turn in
Albuquerque! Happy Duck Season.
TEKWAR:
Yes, it was reported that Chuck's last words actually WERE:
COOK ME, BUT FIRST THAW ME (2/27/02)
CHEFDEVERGUE:
Leo Ornstein --- he was Tad Szulc's favorite composer, wasn't he?
Also I see that John Thaw has shed the mortal coil, and has not yet been
listed. Inspector Morse would not be pleased with your detective work on
this one...
THE GUYS:
Inspector Morse is a boring friggin' show on a channel that barely counts a television.
TAMARA IN A TIME WARP (3/1/02)
TAMARA:
Yeah, the same.
THE GUYS:
Timing Tamara......Timing.
ROBIN ON MORSE (3/2/02)
ROBIN:
Inspector Morse/Corpse. Very funny!!!
THE GUYS:
Glad you liked it.
GRAPES ON MORSE (3/2/02)
GRAPES:
no way! Inspector Morse is dead? darn,.. i liked that
series (hail to A&E) ....
THE GUYS:
It figures.
MIKE CATCHES US SCREWING UP AGAIN (3/4/02)
MIKE M.:
I can't help but notice that Vicious Piranha is in fifth place in your standings
even though he/she has the same number of points as the fourth place contestants.
What did the Vish do, fart in your presence?
THE GUYS:
So in other words, you couldn't help but notice that we screwed up. It's fixed.
HERE SHE IS, MISS HYSTERIA (3/7/02)
MORGUENOLIA BLOSSOM LEE:
I has to tell you that I have been very busy lately with what is becomin a
cottage industry down here.on account of the fact that most people live in cottages....
and small imported horseless carriages.
Anywhats, on the heels of some movie soundtrack I's been asked to record some music
that you can call traditional or bluegrass or roots music. I 'jes call it moonshine hymns.
Well, Okeefenokee records has jes released my first ever phoney graph record. It's
called "Oh Mother, Where art thou?" It's the soundtrack of my life youngins.
Some tunes you all will here are some of my favorite ole songs of the south. Songs
like "I am a woman of constant incontinence" that I sing with the Soggy Ass Boys.
I also do an ole number my husband wrote while he was with the boys at war in 1864.
It's called "Morguey. I am weary, let me die god damit". Years later it was spruced
up a bit and renamed "You Are my sunshine" The list is endless, and the list is death.
Please see to it that you part with a few of your confederate dollars for this
masterpiece of american music. And see if you can't get this song out of your heads:
"Put down my bayonet and blow me Morguey,
Blow me a kiss cross the room,
My servant won't be back for an hour,
Her thirteen kids are causin' gloom,
Take off that corset and show me Morguey,
Show me the battle's not for naught,
Shake them bosoms for your husband Morguey,
Land sakes my zipper just got caught!"
THE GUYS:
When will you enter the Morgue, Morguey?
So many fans will be pleased.
How long can your boils engourge, Morguey?
How long can you ward off disease?
The Death Watchers can't stand your prose, Morguey.
A quite frankly neither can we.
But we read it while holding our nose, Morguey
Before we hit the "delete" key.
HEEEERE'S PHOEBE (3/20/02)
PHOEBE:
I don't know if I should bother pointing this out, because you'll just say I am being
picky and that I don't have a life, blah blah blah...oh hell, you're probably right about
that, so here it goes: you have not credited DePressEd for correctly picking
John Thaw, currently appearing in the role of a lifetime, Inspector Corpse.
Why I should care I don't know since I currently have the big goose egg.
Are you sure Pope Shenouda III hasn't bought the farm yet?
THE GUYS:
Thanks for bringing our shortcomings to our attention.
We addressed the scoring issue. Pope who? Oh, that guy. Who the heck knows.
DAVID NEEDS HELP (3/20/02)
DAVID:
I'm greedy. I want an OBE and to be on your site.
Can you fix it for me to get one then kill me shortly afterwards
(my insurance won't pay out for suicides.)
THE GUYS:
Off the wagon are we, David?
DAVID:
Yea, and its killing me. Send money.
LORI ON HER GREAT GRANDMOTHER (3/20/02)
LORI:
Thank you for the article on my great grandmother Maude Farris.
I think you could have left the Friggin out of the article though. Have a little respect.
THE GUYS:
We do have a little respect. Sometimes it's just tough to discern.
CHEF ON SOME DEAD GUY (3/22/02)
CHEFDEVERGUE:
Former Georgia governor, senator, boozing segregationist Herman Talmadge has
gone on to meet his eternal reward. I guess the Grim Reaper was taking aim
at Strom and hit Herman instead...
THE GUYS:
Herman Talmadge. Please.
DIANE ON A CHILD ACTOR (3/22/02)
DIANE:
I am trying top find out about the death of Brandon de Wilde on July 6, 1972, in
Denver, Colorado, in a road accident. Do you know where I can find a newspaper
article on his death. I was just watching "HUD" movie in which Brandon de Wilde was in.
I was wondering if there was more info on how he was killed and where he is buried, etc.
THE GUYS:
We look around a bit for stuff on Brandon and, although there is some on the net,
there is not much. If anyone reading our mailbag can help, we'll pass the messages along
to you.
JODY ON SOME SHORT DEAD GUY (3/27/02)
JODY:
Well, the Stalker just called me from work to let me know that Dudley
Moore was gone. I guess his doctor didn't 'Do the best that you can
do....' OK, so that was really lame, but what can you expect from me
on the spur of the moment....
THE GUYS:
Actually his brain stop working properly missy!
There was nothing his doctors could do.
Do you really think cracking some smart ass joke about his doctors being unable to
"Do the best that you can do...." is funny when we've lost such a great talent.
Man, you're sick.
Oh, crap, sorry about that. We forgot where we were for a moment.
STU ON DUDLEY (3/27/02)
STU:
Arthur on the Rocks
CHRIS D. ON DUDLEY (3/27/02)
CHRIS D.:
Now that Dudley's gone, is he stuck somewhere between the moon and New York
City? I'm off to comfort Bo Derek, Liza has her new husband to take care of
her.
THE GUYS:
Better watch out. Bo's looking about 7.5 nowadays.
A FEW ON UNCLE MILTIE (3/27/02)
TOM:
Milton Berle, finally
MARVIN M.:
Think of how much wax would be needed, and damn, the length of the wick.
Bet "IT" ends up in formaldehyde somewhere, then on the cover of the
Enquirer in 25 years. Stand up comedy lives again!!!
Kudos to Fat Bastard, Newlyweds, Keith S., Jody G, Doomed Souls, Kipling
34, and my fav, Morguenolia, on the double shovel of dirt today.
Shoulda been there with you guys. Had em' last year. My dog chewed my
homework...DAMN!!!
BRIAN FINDS A BOO BOO (3/28/02)
BRIAN:
The news said Milton Berle died today 3/27.....within hours of Dudley Moore.
Your site says 3/18
THE GUYS.:
That's because we're a bunch of drunken screw ups. You got a problem with that?
STALKER! NEED WE SAY MORE (3/30/02)
STACEY THE STALKER:
At last. The death of none other than the Queen Mother!
THE GUYS:
What a poet.
ROBERT FINDS A BOO BOO TOO (3/31/02)
ROBERT:
With so many deaths lately, it only seems like there's been one a day.
The Queen Mother died March 30, not March 28!
THE GUYS:
After 101 years, what's three days?
HE SHOULD REALLY STICK TO COOKING (4/1/02)
CHEFDEVERGUE:
What a shame about the Queen Mother. The NFL will never be the same with
her gone, although I had heard that the Vikings were thinking of cutting her
this next season (guess she couldn't run the 40 as quickly as they would
have liked). As if that wasn't bad enough, now they will have to find a new
opponent for Madame Chiang Kai-Shek in the upcoming Celebrity Boxing match.
Also, no mention of Doctor William Scholl's passing? Doctor Scholl is a
household name, after all. He has been underfoot for years now. The least
we could do is say a prayer for his sole.
THE GUYS:
Man, talk about puns.
HUDSUCKER MISSES US (4/4/02)
HUDSUCKER "CAP PISTOL" LEE, VIII:
I's a little bit durn concerned that y'all are still there. No responses to
anyone's emails? I mean, I realize that y'all have lives, but this website
is about those who don't and those who write about those who don't. Maybe
Ma' dun gone and kicked and nobody dun knows about it.
Are you still out there?
THE GUYS:
We're still here. But damnit, we're still mourning Milton Berle.
AN ANDY GRIFFTH QUESTION (4/11/02)
GAYE:
Please!!!! Can you tell my husband and I what color are Andy Griffith's eyes?
I swear I have seen them looking blue, but after watching "Matlock", my husband
insists they are brown. Please end this argument for us. Thank you!
THE GUYS:
We're not really interested in the eyes unless they're covered with
pennies. However, they're brown.
GAYE:
Thanks guys....I think....I now owe my husband dinner!! You were great to
respond.
JUST CALL HIM "BILL" (4/23/02)
BILL:
Did you do one on Jimi Hendrix's dad, AL passing away last week?
THE GUYS:
Dude, that is sick. Of course we never did one on Jimi's dad. He wasn't into that crap. Sure, a little
cuddling and an occasional milk bath, but do one on the guy. You're whacked.
JAY, JAY, WHAT DID YOU SAY? (4/23/02)
JAY:
How did soap actress Leslie Graves die and when I couldnot find it on
your sight she died in 1995 is that a rumour or true.
THE GUYS:
We don't know about Leslie Graves, but how did you pass high school English?
A LENGTHY EXCHANGE WITH JENNIFER (5/8/02)
JENNIFER:
You do not have a listing for the death of Rudy Sarzo, heavy metal
bassist ( Quiet Riot) that died of cancer (I believe stomach) this
year. He died in either January or February. I remember reading it in
the paper earlier this year.
JENNIFER:
sorry about the earlier e-mail, it was Randy Castillo who died.
THE GUYS:
Randy Castillo was the drummer for an already washed up Ozzy Osborne from 1985 to 1993.
Playing with Ozzy may make him somewhat of a celebrity...but he was the drummer.
JENNIFER:
Ozzy could never be washed up, burnt out, but never washed up, lol. Thanks
for responding! Love your website!
THE GUYS:
Thanks for the nice words about the website.
We try to make folks laugh about an otherwise crappy topic. Hopefully it works.
JENNIFER:
I actually follow your website religiously. I call my friends at my old job
and keep them informed on who died. I am considered sick and twisted, but I
don't mind.
THE GUYS:
Hmm, a religion based on our website. You may be on to something. Now all we need are a few pedophiles to run the
thing and we should start raking in the dough.
JENNIFER:
U could start a wager on the catholic church going down, just an idea, it
may catch on.
THE GUYS:
Sadly, it's not the church that's going down, it's some of the younger parishoners.
JENNIFER:
You are a trip... the kids are forced against their will so we cannot blame
them. The pope will die by year end from all of the nonsense the priests
are putting the church thru.
CHRIS D. NEEDS TO SEE A MAN ABOUT A HORSE (5/8/02)
CHRIS D.:
Seattle Slew died. The people's race horse. No mention of him? He was more
popular then Tad was. And besides, now he can be called Seattle Slow.
THE GUYS:
Yeah, yeah. And his schlong was almost as big as Milton Berles.
But he was a friggin' horse. Only humans need apply.
CHRIS D.:
Well, I'm still not sure if Tad Szulc was human. And for the record, how do
pronounce his name? At least we all can pronounce Seattle Slew.
DEMARE IS A NIGHTMARE (5/12/02)
DEMARE:
A famous actress or singer died in late February or March (not Peggy Lee).
I read it in the papers and thought to myself that she was dead long before that.
I was discussing it with a friend who is a dead-watcher and I couldn't remember the name.
She isn't on your list either, but if I saw her name, it would jar my memory. HELP
THE GUYS:
You dont' mean Irma Whatthehellareyoubabblingonabout, do you?
ROBERT YOUNG KNOWS BEST (5/12/02)
ROBERT:
If Dan Devine was picked by only one person, shouldn't that be 4 points for DePressED?
Just pointing this out now so it won't be a problem later.
THE GUYS:
Yeah, like you never made a mistake either, huh? Maybe you forgot about who you woke
up next to the other Saturday morning. Well, we got the pictures.
A LETTER FROM YOX (5/21/02)
YOX:
A change in status for Walter Lord author of A Night to Remember and The Night Lives On.
His boat sank on Sunday May 19th at his home in Manhattan. his passing was noted
by the AP.
THE GUYS:
And....
STALKER PLAYS A WORD ASSOCIATION GAME (5/22/02)
STACEY THE STALKER:
Chandra Levy.
THE GUYS:
Gary Condit.
THE CHEF WITH A GREAT LINE! (5/23/02)
CHEFDEVERGUE:
Poor Slammin' Sammy. He was renowned for having one the sweetest strokes in the
history of the game of golf. I don't think that he thought this last stroke
was particularly sweet.
ROBERT YOUNG AGAIN (5/25/02)
ROBERT:
Have you seen
THIS.
Comments welcome.
THE GUYS:
She's a dick. Oh wait a minute, no she isn't. She's a cock.
MARVIN AIN'T GETTING IT (6/1/02)
MARVIN:
League of their own girl. Definately needs reporting.
THE GUYS:
The very fact that you call Faye Dancer, "League of their own girl"
indicates her status as a non-celebrity.
MARVIN:
whatever
MI RICH ON A COUPLA HITS(6/15/02)
MI RICH:
(Joh Gotti) Thought I'd never get to e-mail you guys this year. Wow.
I've got a long way to go if I'm going to make any decent showing in O.B.E.
in 2002.
(Robert Whitehead)Could this be the start of my 2002 comeback? LOL
THE GUYS:
It sure ain't the start of Robert's comeback.
EUG SAID "WHAT'S UP?" (6/15/02)
EUG:
What's up.... Can you recommmend any web sites that keep you up to date on sick or
dying celebrities?
THE GUYS:
Yeah, we can.
CHRIS M., ROUND ON THE ENDS, HI IN THE MIDDLE (6/16/02)
CHRIS M.:
Love the page. Even though the 2002 entry forms are past deadline, I think consideration needs to be given to professional wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin as one who may be checking through the gates of hell sometime this year.
A few reasons why this could happen...
1. Just got fired from the WWF after leaving a TV taping.
2. Last night was involved with an altercation with his wife Debra, leaving her badly bruised.
3. Has a severe drinking problem - is widely known for his drinking and drivng escapades.
4. He has no other viable career options, since the WWF bought the competition.
5. He's a pro-wrestler - thus making him open to sterroid and pain killer addiction.
This may one worth watching...a tragic case of self-destruction.
THE GUYS:
Not to mention how much fun we can have with the names "Stone Cold" and "Steve Austin"
CHET & THE JETS WITH A "GET" (6/21/02)
CHET & THE JETS:
Sportscaster Jack Buck died the other day. Please update standings, etc, accordingly, thanks.
THE GUYS:
Hey Chet, we got day jobs. We'll get there.
STALKER IS LOOKING FOR ADVICE, ANY TAKERS? (6/22/02)
STACEY THE STALKER:
To whom will we write for advice, now that you took Ann Landers?
- Reeling in Red Bank
THE GUYS:
Try Lucy VanPelt
PHOEBE:
You have not yet noted the passing of Jay Berwanger. If you haven't seen an obit for him, here is one:
HERE
Although I don't know why I should care if someone else gets credit.
Hell, I suck at this deathwatch business.
On another matter, will someone please explain to me what the big deal is about
Ted Williams hitting 400? Jeez, I can do that every day, when I tee it up at the local muni.
THE GUYS:
Thanks for catching a "celebrity" death we missed. Can't imagine how we did that.
As for that other thing, may we recommend you stick to put-put?
KEN:
What with Ted Williams in deep-freeze, the big question is:
How would cloning affect the scores of people who picked him?
THE GUYS:
Well, we guess we'd have to create a duplicate list for each cloned player and then split
the prize between the clones.....
Oh, you mean if they cloned Ted Williams! What the hell kinda dumb question is that?
JON:
Hey guys love teh site but i think ur dates are inaccurate i see 6/5/02 for ted willams
but didnt he die after rosemary clooney 6/27/02
THE GUYS:
Yeah, yeah. 6, 7 whatever, he's dead.
GREG & GINA:
Love the site, but not sure where you are getting the information on songwriting.
Chet Atkins wrote “Your Cheatin’ Heart”? Pretty sure that was Hank Williams. “Wipeout”
by Morton Downey, Jr. You have inside information on that? Where’s 2002? Did the site die?
THE GUYS:
Chet played on each of those tunes as a session musician.
Our error. We've corrected it. As for Mort, we were reporting exactly what
appeared in his AP obituary. However, a little research shows that it's a load of silliness.
We changed that too.
The 2002 O.B.E. is located at the address listed below.
When you pour through the amount of obituaries we do each year, you're bound to screw some up.
GREG & GINA:
Thank you so much for the prompt reply! If you are getting this information from AP,
then you certainly have done your part to use a reliable source, so I guess I should take
my case up with them. I realize songwriting credits are not the focus of your site,
but now the revelation of “Pipeline” along with “Wipeout” as Downey credits has
me very curious. “Wipeout” was officially credited to the members of the band
who had a hit with it—the Surfaris: Berryhill, Connolly, Fuller, and Wilson. “Pipeline”
by Carman-Spickard. I confirmed that through BMI database and through the
Rhino 4-disc Cowabunga boxed set on which they both appeared. Sometimes in these cases,
there is confusion over similar songwriter names and song titles. I can’t find anything
close to that kind of honest mistake in this case. It would seem, in the interest of obit
timeliness, the AP just swallowed whatever lies “The Mouth” had in his own bio.
THE GUYS:
We think you have hit the nail right on the coffin!
RYAN & JACOB:
There is something extremely wrong with every single
person in this world. They seem to be part of a
pointless simulation.
"The Matrix" has portrayed this idea somewhat, yet we
watch it and go back to our daily lives. Yet in this
very life, underneath the seeming diversity in
people's opinions, values, talents, and interests,
there is something that makes everyone the same. It
is as though this planet is populated only by mindless
fakes, objects that provide the appearance of
intellect on the surface but are based on only
mechanical reflexes and primitive thought patterns.
I don't really care if anything I say has been said
before, if it was portrayed in movies, in books, or in
the lyrics of some useless song. With 6 billion people
covering the globe at any given time, thousands and
thousands of years of written literature, probability
dictates almost any combination of words has occurred
numerous times. Yet there is clear evidence there was
no action, so those words, just like the people who
spoke them, must have been just more fakes. I am
forced to use this language (also created by the
fakes) because there is no alternative, so everything
I write here could be misunderstood to make me sound
like one of them, but it will be the action that I
take and the dedication that will separate me from
them.
In my estimation the fakes that occupy this planet
don't make up 99%, but more like 99.9999999% of the
population. I know this because I've searched, and in
my search have so far only found one true ally (I have
found him via the internet as well). But even with
those numbers we would not give up because there is no
logic in giving up.
The people on this planet are all fakes because the
societies have made them this way. Ideas that populate
people's minds have no logic or purpose. Concepts such
as religion, god, morality, individualism, freedom,
identity, happiness, love and billions of others are
all just memes. Like parasites they infect the minds
and spread from one person to the next. They have no
point or purpose; they exist without any logical basis
or foundation. The fakes are completely controlled by
them, and they will never see beyond them. To not be
controlled by them one must do more then just realize
that they exist. One must resist any ideas that have
no point, endlessly question, and never accept
imperfection or compromise in any answer.
We (myself and my ally) are different though. While we
have had the limitation of existing only in these
societies, something has made it possible for us to
resist being indoctrinated into becoming one of those
fakes. We have no arbitrary wants, needs, desires, or
preferences.
If this world continues to exist the way it is then
nothing in it will ever have a point. It will always
be just a product of random evolution, one with no
importance or relevance. The only logical goal is to
dedicate our lives to increasing our numbers, those
that aren't fakes, so that in thousands of years our
numbers may be such that the fakes would no longer be
a threat to progress.
Those that join us must see every other person
occupying this planet as the enemy, and us as their
only allies. Like us they must have dedication only to
taking the most logical action, and to nothing else.
To tell you more about us, we've posted some personal
information about ourselves on a website. You'll also
find past responses to us on that webpage.
Obviously anyone reading this email is most likely
just another fake. Do not simply reply to this email,
if you do your message will almost certainly be
ignored. If you do wish to communicate, first
demonstrate your interest by taking the effort to
find us online, one of the ways to do that is
described below.
Use a major search engine to search for every
combination of any two words from the list below.
The order of the words shouldn't matter as long as
you do not search for them in quotes, but generally
it should be clear what words can go together and
in what order. Also when you pick the right
combination you shouldn't need to look at more
then the first matches.
There are actually at least 7 (or more) different
combinations and websites you can find by searching
this list. The one you should contact will clearly
say it is the 'communication' page and will have
three forms to fill out. Mention what sites you did
find, the more effort it seems you took the more
likely we would believe in your dedication.
There is no trick to this and this isn't meant to be
quick, it should, however, be fairly clear if/when you
find the right site. The following search engines were
verified by us, please use any of them as other search
engines may simply not list us correctly: Yahoo,
Google, InfoSeek, Lycos, MSN, LookSmart, HotBot,
InfoSpace, Ask.com, AllTheWeb, Teoma, WebCrawler,
AltaVista, AOL Search, Netscape Search, Dogpile.
perfect
pointless
theory
endless
desire
defiance
eternal
wants
logic
competitive
driving
perpetual
competition
impartial
vision
logical
meaningless
teenage
infinite
dream
final
best
escape
fury
objective
purpose
thought
indoctrination
only
ambition
clue
view
perfection
If this can't be solved, or if you never reach us,
there should be no reason for you to give up as
we will never give up and thus there will always
be some way to find us.
THE GUYS:
Holy crap, we didn't even realize they gave you access to computers in the asylum. Cool.
CHRIS D.:
Darryl Kile? Pitcher? St. Louis. Much more well known than Tad what's his
name.
THE GUYS:
In some circle perhaps.
MARVIN:
Aren't these guys verified before posting? It's very rare when you don't
mock an accomplishment or disfunction cause' you didn't know who he (Joaquin Balaguer) was.
just wondering...that's a big five points.
THE GUYS:
Of course each entry is "Verified." Joaquin was a long standing leader of the
Dominican Rebuplic. Hardly a celeb in our eyes, but his death meets the definition
of our game as it stands. And there was humor in our bulletin and obit. posting.
You must have missed it.
ALGIB@NETZERO.NET.:
whoa ,you some sick mother farkers
matt and steve i've got you guys on my list and damn i'm hoping
THE GUYS:
First you tell us we are sick. Then you tell us that you have us on some sort of death
watch list. Hmm, see an inconsistency there?
You'll note that our page doesn't condone violence, it doesn't wish ill on persons and that,
in fact, we have admiration for many, if not most, of the persons who end up posted on the
page. The facts of life, regardless of all this, are that people die. Furthermore, we as
a society tend to place a ridiculous value on the death of pop-culture icons and far less
value on the death of the average Jane or Joe; a fact we find pretty sad. So our page is
a manner in which folks can 1) predict the future (a silly but fun pass time),
2) learn a little about famous people (the good and the bad),
3) recognize that death is the inevitable end we each face while appreciating the
accomplishments of life, 4) Have a laugh about a topic that, in most circumstances
brings a great deal of sadness and retrospection.
If you need more help figuring this stuff out, you just let us know.
B7571:
Love the OBE site!
THE GUYS:
Thanks!
ANDREW BRESSEN:
On a few web pages you mention henri cartier-bressen as an OBE deadpool entry.
the famous photog is actually henri cartier-bressOn; as far as I
know, bressen is not a french surname. doing an ego surf
THE GUYS:
That's because the breadth of out inability to spell correctly is only surpassed
by your burning desire to search for your name on the net. We'll fix those errors.
MIRICH:
Just got back from out of town on a week's vacation.
Thanks for spotting Chaim Potok's obit and sending the O.B.E. points my way.
It's not over till it's over, although there's too many picks on my list who have
seemingly gotten better since last December.
THE GUYS:
You weren't visiting Potok, were you?
CHRIS D.:
Something against sport figures? Darryl Kile. Chick Hearn. Darryl Porter.
Tad Szulc. One of these things is not like the other...
THE GUYS:
Any guy named "Chick" makes us very suspicious.
ROB:
Dave Williams from the band Drowning Pool was found dead on their tour bus.
THE GUYS:
Bummer for him.
GRAPES:
This summer, saw the bell of the Edmund Fitzgerald. Knew you'd be
thrilled.
THE GUYS:
Man, not only could she sing, but that poor legless, scat singer also had a bell! Wow.
GRAPES:
legs or not, you guys make me Hot! There is only one prob-- I can't
acces your web site.
I can see Frank in all his celestial greatness on the beginning page, but
when I try to get
anywhere, I strike out. Is it me or you? I await your verdict on the
edge of my pants or
seat...
Or (sing)...."later that night when it's light went out of sight, came
the wreck" of the
piece of shit Macinosh.
Next destination--Lake Michigan
GRAPES:
When you say "hot," is that a "Damn, I think I have Malaria" hot or a
"I've finally hit menopause" hot?
As for the page, it loads just dandy on our Dell computer.
Maybe its time to tell Steve Job to stuff those little neon looking pieces of crap up
his "I am the original creator of a windows based system" tookus. Just a thought.
MARVIN:
Jeez Louise, no mention of him. Or did I miss this one. I only had him
on my list for two years, 99, 00. He was a bad man, in a sense, trying
to strike Jackie Robinson's entry into baseball. However, his
sharpening of his metal cleats so he could cut him at second was a even
worse thought. Of course, he denied it to his grave. I'm sure JR let
him slide on through unscathed. Sorry if I missed this one.
THE GUYS:
We did note the passing of Enos.
We simply haven't gotten our lazy asses around to updating the page yet.
GREG:
I just read through most of your website....I am still laughing.
Will you run a contest in 2003?
I am making my list now
THE GUYS:
Thanks for the kind words! The plan is to run a 2003 Death Watch.
The rules should be pretty much the same with a 2002, Dec 31 deadline.
We suggest you sign up for our mail list so that you can keep up with O.B.E. happenings.
We don't sell email list names and we don't spam. Promise.
Also, say hello to Peter, Bobby, Cindy, Jan, and Marsha. Oh, smack Alice on
the ass for us too!
MS:
Didn't the actor that played Inspector Lugar from Barney Miller just die?
THE GUYS:
Barney. Dude, you watch that big crappy dinosaur? Heh, we never knew his last name was Miller.
Wonder if he's related to Mitch Miller. They both sing.
DANELLE:
didn't florence henderson die like 3 days ago?
THE GUYS:
No.
STALKER:
IS there a Pseudo-stalker out there? I did NOT see the Bell of the Edmund
Fitzgerald this summer....
THE GUYS:
What, you think you're the only chick who stalks us? Puh!
ROBERT YOUNG:
(Note to the O.B.E.: For some reason, the e-mail click-link on your website is not compatible
with AOL auto-email. So, I'm forced to e-mail you the old-fashioned way).
To Ryan and Jacob:
When I think of all the time you wasted writing your pathetic Matrix spin-off letter
(very unoriginal, by the way), I realize that you "don't have a life." You can go on with
your memes and what-not, NO ONE is going to be stupid enough to fall for your B.S.
To Marvin: So you've never heard of Joaquin Balaguer. He was president of the Dominican
Republic, on and off, from 1960 to 1996. If during those 36 years you never heard of the
U.S. sending troops to the Dominican Republic in 1965 to overthrow the leftist-Communist
regime of Juan Bosch (regime change!) with right-wing puppet--er, el Presidente, Joaquin
Balaguer, I forgive you. Just remember you never said anything about Hugo Banzer, who was
ruler of Bolivia for only 12 years, a much shorter time.
And ask Sammy Sosa where the Dominican Republic is.
I'm amazed at how ignorant the average masses are. People write in with corrections,
and misspell their own words:
JON:
Hey guys love teh site but i think ur dates are inaccurate i see 6/5/02 for ted willams but didnt he die after rosemary clooney 6/27/02
Let's see, he misspells "the," "your," forgets to capitalize "I," "Ted Williams," "Rosemary Clooney," forgets the apostrophe in the contraction "didn't", and doesn't use a period (the little black dot at the end of a sentence).
As for who gets posted, who doesn't:
Let's remember, people, the concept of two categories of qualifying:
One, a person gets an obit. at OBE if they happen to be on someone's list and die during the expected year.
Two, a person who does not qualify for reason ONE but was still a celebrity may be added at the discretion of Steve or Matt.
Since there are TWO different reasons for adding someone, there is a DOUBLE STANDARD. Duh.
So, if you want to make sure your favorite star, baseball player, or whomever makes the OBE in 2003, be sure to use one of your selections and put them on your list.
THE GUYS:
Holy Crapola Batman! Someone finally gets it!
ED W.:
Your entry form says due by December 31, 2001. I know the post office is bad
but I don’t think they can mail back in time.
THE GUYS:
oops.
ED W.:
What about this guy he died just a few days before Kim Hunter who was in 2 of his movies.
I don’t think it’s a conspiracy but Charelton Heston should be careful just in case.
THE GUYS:
Nah, Chuck can handle himself just fine. He'll just pull out that pistol and.....
Damn, where'd he put that thing?
CHEFDEVERGUE:
The new James Bond movie has its premier today. Did Warren Zevon hang on
long enough to see it?
THE GUYS:
Yes. How unfortunate for him.
CHEFDEVERGUE:
Wow, a player comes from behind, with only days remaining, to take the lead.
That's what I call excitement. As a spectator sport, the OBE ranks right up
there with NASCAR.
THE GUYS:
Yes. How unfortunate for him....And your Saturday nights.
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